All too often women are in a hurry. We want to hurry up and find THE GUY, get married, have babies, buy a house, etc. We don’t enjoy the seasons of life we are in. I am taking this time to reflect on my single days in writing a letter to my single self. I want to remind her of a few things.
Hey girl (said like Ryan Gossling),
So it’s a Monday night, you have your wine, Twitter is open and you are live tweeting the Bachelor thinking to yourself “where is my rose?” Let me tell you Neely, once you are married these bachelor nights will not look much different. Only instead of wine, you’ll be eating dinner with your husband, still live tweeting.
Anyways, Single Neely enjoy this time. Not because it’s better than marriage, trust me marriage is better. But enjoy it because you should be appreciating time with yourself and learning who you are. Go out with your friends more. Do all the happy hours, drink all the wines, and flirt with the cute waiter. Why? Because WHY NOT!?
When that guy ghosts you after three great dates it stings. You think, what did I do wrong? Trust me it’s him. He has issues that he will feel the need to share with you three years later. Sigh. Men.
When you and he who shall not be named go back and forth, up and down, and hot and cold like a Katy Perry song just shake your head, nod and smile and know that “this too shall pass.” You’ll end it when you’ve REALLY had enough and thank God you did.
The thing about staying in bad relationships is timing. Had you ended it earlier, you would have possibly met someone else and not met Andrew. Timing is everything. You need to remember that when you lay in bed at night and wonder why? When you cry yourself to sleep or sit at the coffee shop with your best friend who tries to tell you to just hold on, he’s out there.
Remember your favorite episode of How I Met Your Mother, As Fast As She Can. Remember what Stella says to Ted, “I know that you are tired of waiting, and you may have to wait a little while more, but she’s on her way, Ted. And she’s getting here as fast as she can.” That quote is so true. Replay it over and over and over. Just sub in she for he and Ted for Neely. You get it!
In the mean time. Drink that third glass of wine on a Thursday. Go on those blind dates, online dates, random dates with guys you meet in bars. Take as much selfish time for yourself as you can. Stay home on a Saturday night watching chick flicks, and go get a mani/pedi with your girls. Fill up your DVR with all the reality TV, Shonda Rhimes shows, and ID Channel stuff you want. Eat tacos three days in a row because WHO CARES? Don’t shave your legs for a week because no one will notice. Girl you are single and one day you will look back and even though you are beyond happily married you will remember the boozy brunches, marathon shopping sessions, random road trips, and late nights spent on the phone with your best friend talking about nothing.
Now, your husband comes first. You think of his needs, his wants, his TV shows (mostly yours still), the foods he wants to eat, and what you two will do together every weekend. It’s wonderful and magical and you wouldn’t trade it for the world. But don’t be in such a hurry to let go of your single self too soon.
Like I said, timing is everything. That Katy Perry song of an ex boyfriend will fade away, those boozy brunches will become less appealing, and one day soon you will go on your last first date.
Be selfish now. You have to.
But remember, your husband is one hell of a guy, and all the single alone selfish time in the world doesn’t add up to a second of laugh till it hurts time with him. But still enjoy it while you have it. It’s a season of life just like everything else.
Live it up Single Neely!
Love,
Married Neely
I got married to my senior prom data – so I’ve had very little time as a single person. Basically none, haha! So, this was really interesting to read!
Beautiful!
The time that I spent living alone and really just doing what made me happy at whatever moment I chose to do is some of my favorite memories. I really believe you can’t be truly happy unless YOU make yourself happy.
Oh my goodness, so much YES to this post. I was just thinking about this recently. Being married and starting a family has been the best and happiest stage of my life, but I often feel like I didn’t fully take advantage of my pre-marriage days. While I wouldn’t want to trade my life now for that, I do wish I embraced it more. You perfectly said how I feel : )
GREAT post, girlie! Being recently single again has put me through this whole roller coaster again but every day I remind myself of many of these points. I know I’ll meet that man when the time is right.
I absolutely love this! Extremely inspirational, I’m thinking of forwarding it to a friend of mine who’s having a rough time being single
Great post! I love that quote from HIMYM 🙂
xo, Laura
Great thoughts. I was fortunate enough to meet my husband really early so I didn’t have a lot of single time. And the self-growth is what I really missed out on. I went through it later, after being married, but it took my husband for a bit of a whirl. He stuck by me but it was a learning process for sure!
So cute! I love your letter to your single self. It’s amazing when you look back at how different things were when we were single..what we felt mattered and what does now!
Aw, this is such a cute post! It’s always funny how things end up working out and all the relationships you sometimes go through to end up with your happy ending.
I really understand the being selfish for your own sake thing. Great post! 🙂
This is all SO true! I met my husband when I was 20, so I couldn’t even go out with my friends to the bar when I was single. I wouldn’t trade Dave for the world and certainly wouldn’t have wanted to meet him any later in life, but I definitely wish I had spent more time going out with my girlfriends before getting married and moving away with Dave.
Love love love this!! I definitely don’t think I enjoyed my single life as much as I should have, but I still wouldn’t change my current situation of being engaged to my best friend for the world!
Love this! Very empowering for all the single ladies around Valentine’s Day!
What a fun idea! Now you’ve got me thinking about what I would write to my former self…. great post!
Such a great letter to your single self! I married my high school sweetheart so I would have no clue about any of that single time.
Aww this is such a sweet letter to yourself! If only our future selves could’ve written letters during the teen years 🙂
So true! I love reading about what people would tell their younger selves! What’s funny is people always tell us these things in the moment and we never listen!
Great reminders to enjoy being single! Not that being in a relationship,etc is a bad thing but being single is a great way to learn about yourself as a person.
Great advice. I feel like I have been married all of my life so I can’t relate except in High School. If only we could turn back time 🙂
I love that the hello is said Ryan Goslings voice
Great post! No matter what stage of life you are in you have to enjoy yourself because it won’t last forever!
I was never really single married right out of highschool but I have many friends who struggle with the single life and others that love it. This post is great for so many out there who just need a bit of inspiration
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This was an amazing read! One of my favorite blog posts to date! I’ve only been married for 5 months, dated for 3 years and were best friends for 13 years before any of that. The part about not breaking up with the wrong guy sooner really hits home for me. Even though my hubby & I were best friends for 13 years, had he not become single then neither would I and we might not be together now. He’s the reason I left my bad relationship and changed the course of his and my friendship forever.
I love this! I wrote a letter to my younger self once, and though I miss being the baby, I don’t miss how hard it all seemed at one point. http://aisforadelaide.com/2014/10/10/letter-younger-self/
What a brilliant idea. I really did enjoy reading this, I really don’t think I’ll ever get out of this single life! XD
It’s so strange that ‘single’ Lisa became ‘not-single’ Lisa so quickly that I barely had time to process it or realize that my single days were over! They seem to be never-ending during the dating days but then BOOM, they’re gone and life is forever changed. Your post is right-on, per usual. 🙂
Very good. I was thinking about this the other day and wish I could have told myself not to worry about it and to stop searching for the right guy, because he found me in a way I could have never predicted. Also, I wish I could tell myself not to put up with relationships that I would have advised my best friend against.
This made me smile 🙂 Thanks for sharing this!
Oh yes, a thousand times yes!
I married at a young age to the guy I had been dating since I was 16. We’d built a house together, we got married, and during both those life changes I knew it wasn’t what I wanted, and I tried to get out, but I was young and scared and just listened to him because I thought he knew best. I was so happy when I finally woke up to myself and walked out (as harsh as that sounds). Sure, I was not quite 25, staring down the barrel at divorce, but I decided that after almost 9 years of not living, that it was time to live.
I’m now happily married (6 months next week!) to the love of my life. Funnily enough, I moved to a new city 12 months after leaving my ex, and met my now husband on a dating site. We’re expecting our first child in July.
The 12 months that I was single, I lived my life to the fullest. Sure, I made some pretty dumb decisions, but those dumb decisions do not define me. I was reclaiming the youth I did not have. Those moments helped to shape me into the wise woman that I now am, ready for motherhood, ready to be someone’s wife wholly and forever. My husband is my best friend, and while I wouldn’t trade our laugh til it hurts time either, I am thankful for the 12 months I had as a single 25 year old because I would not be where I am today without ANY of the time lived before I met my husband.
I don’t think I’ve been single for longer than six months, which is crazy to think about! Although I do think I am currently dating “the one,” I agree with you that other singles shouldn’t be worried about rushing to find the perfect guy right away. If they do, that’s great! But if they don’t, they just need to remember to take a step back, relax and enjoy this period of their life! Great post!
I so enjoyed reading this post! Especially as I’ve been reflecting on my life where it was five years ago, ten years ago, and where I am now. Thanks for the good read. And the reminder of the Ted quote.
I love this post and I can totally relate. When I was finally okay with being single and doing me is when I met my husband. When you are actively looking for someone, I feel like you are more willing to settle, so relax, do you and all things will fall into place.
I have been married a really long time so it is kind of hard for me to remember the single me. I think this is great advice and I wish that I would have done a little bit more of the “single” fun before I started doing the “married” fun, lol. But I am pretty darn content right now and have no regrets. Loved your post.
What a cute post!
I loved being single but I also really enjoy being in a relationship.
It’s great to have appreciation for both.
xoxo, Jenny
I enjoyed your Single letter…this is my 11th straight year of being single/single mom on Valentines Day but I did a ton of stuff with my son and for my Mom! We built a VDay Mail box at Home Depot (and stuffed with chocolates and homemade card for my Mom/his Grandma), made homecards and pass them out, and make a special meal for my son and my Mom! And I doll myself up too esp with my hair and makeup!
Ursula
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I’ve always been in long term relations so I’ve never really had the single life haha I was with my high school boyfriend for five years, then I had a 6 month single period before I entered into a two year relationship. And then I went straight from that relationship to being with my husband who I’ve now been with for almost three years haha so I never really got that single period or time to figure myself out. Currently, my husband is stationed overseas for 12 months so this is the closest I will ever get to “single” life haha I miss him every day, but it’s been nice to only have myself to worry about and to really focus on myself and what I want. I feel so much growth right now.
I love that you say “be selfish” – I think that’s so important. Once you’re settled into a long term partnership everything is a decision made with your significant other in mind, so being selfish when you’re single is such good advice!
I love this! My husband and I have been married for a year and a half but together for 8. We met when we were 17, and we’ve grown up together. Although I love him to death and absolutely adore being married, it’s very different from being able to put yourself and what you want first.
LiveLifeWell,
Allison
Neely! I loved this letter! While I am dating, I often find myself thinking about the next step. I think there is so much of a societal pressure that makes me feel that where I’m at is not good enough. Whether it’s family/friends asking when we are getting engaged or seeing another person I graduated with getting married or having a baby, I feel pressure that I’m doing something wrong. Thanks for sharing your letter. xo
Ahhhh this is incredible. I love this letter to your single self. I used to HATE the phrase, when you know you know, but it’s true. When I met my husband, everything felt different. No matter what I knew we’d be together. I was calm, relaxed, and peaceful about our relationship, even when I uttered the words, “We fight so much right now, I think about breaking up.” For whatever reason we both knew we’d work out anything and be together. And we did, and we have continued to do so. I love this post so much!
My time as an adult single was very short. I can relate to much in your letter, especially remembering that my husband is awesome.
It is very important to enjoy the stage of life you are currently in. As a mom, I wished away the tiring long days of toddlers, only to find them driving cars and leaving home. I won’t do that with my youngest. I am enjoying his young busy days.
I was thinking about writing a very similar blog post soon! I was single for about ten months in between relationships last year. After spending the first 4-5 months in a very real depression, I booked a trip to Costa Rica with one of my best friends and experienced a hundred new things that I never would have done by myself when I was in that codependent relationship. Being single is amazing and so is being in a relationship now. It’s important to just live in your now and appreciate the opportunities for living the life you have in that moment. I love this blog post idea 🙂
I think presently single me really needed this one. I think I’ve started to turn into Ted and this feels a bit like a friendly Barney/Marshall pick-me-up. Thanks, Neely!
Oh my goodness this really hit it on the spot. I have a boyfriend but this is a great reminder to not rush things, and to enjoy life as it is now, in this moment. Great post. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog.