I never intended to write this post. Why? Because its my personal business. However this is my personal blog.
I have really been struggling the past few months. Not in work, or with family or friends or Chad but just struggling internally. You know that thing you just cant put your finger on it but you know its there and something is just not right. I noticed changes in myself. Changes in my ability to focus, my ability to have fun, my ability to want to do anything other than lay in bed and watch TV. As someone who loves to work out the joy I get from exercising just went away and I just stopped. I stopped having much of an appetite. I got behind on emails from friends. I would spend time with people but not really be there. You know where you are physically present but just mentally checked out.
This came to a head about 7 weeks ago when I couldn’t stop crying one day. I decided I needed to talk to someone. I found a therapist and started going once a week. I still wasn’t feeling better.
Then the anxiety kicked in. FIrst it was slow, I would just get really agitated. Someone would be explaining something to me like my mom when she asked me if I could grab something for her while I was at the mall and I got so frustrated I hung up the phone(unlike me). Or when I was at whole foods and they were out of the bread I wanted and I had to just leave my cart and walk out of the store.
I knew something wasn’t right. One night my internet kept going in and out and I just lost it. I had so much work to do and a blog post to finish and someone needed an ad updated on passionfruits and I couldnt do it cause of my internet and just cried.
Thats when I took it to twitter and asked what the signs of anxiety were….and sure enough the amazing twitter friends just poured their hearts out to me about their personal struggles. There were DMs, Emails, texts, phone calls etc. I realized that I probably needed to be on some kind of medicine.
I went to my therapist the next week and we talked about it and she said that I probably have a mild form of depression and generalized anxiety disorder. WHAT? I have never had issues! I have always been happy. Why was this happening to me now??
I have an amazing job, my dad is starting to feel better, my friends rock, I love my blog etc. What was I depressed about.
The more we talked about it the more I understood. All the things that had happened both in my life and over the past few months were suppressed I never dealt with them. With my dad coming so close to death so many times the past few months. Other things that I wont get into etc. I was running on such nervous energy for so long that when things finally calmed down in my life it all rushed to the surface and my coping skills weren’t what I thought they were.
Last week I started on Lexapro. I was hesitant to blog about this but you know what this is my blog, my life and I like to be honest and upfront about it. We all go through struggles and I think that our struggles shouldn’t be so hidden. I was so afraid of what people would think. Would they think Im crazy? That I cant handle things? Why is she depressed she has so many amazing thing in her life? I dont want to be afraid of what people will think. I want to be honest.
The honest truth is I struggle. I am doing everything in my power to not struggle. I am being proactive about realizing that I cant do it by myself.
I am just a girl doing her best.
Do you ever worry what people will think if you are honest?
I am so proud of you for opening up, as I am sure this wasn’t an wasn’t an easy post. We all struggle in our own ways, and the important thing is that you’re dealing with it and attacking it head on! I know it goes without saying that I think you’re pretty incredible and that I am here for you! Love you, girl!
Good for you! Recognizing the signs, getting help, and having the COURAGE to share your story with others! I struggle with this exact issue, and quite honestly, I’m even on the same medicine, lol. Like you, I worried and did not want anyone to know for fear of being looked at like I’m “crazy” or “imbalanced.” While there have been a few comments (mostly from those close to me), the majority of people DO understand and are supportive.
The truth of it is, we ALL struggle, ALL have something going on it our lives, and by sharing so openly, you’ve already made a difference in someone’s life today. I know you’ve certainly made me feel less alone….and that’s a good feeling. Thanks for posting your honest, heartfelt opinions.
Trinity
I’m so proud of you for doing what you need to FOR YOU! I went through this a few years ago, at a time when I was supposed to be perfectly happy. It happens, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You will come through this better, stronger, and able to help others because you have now struggled yourself! Sending prayers…
Sometimes I’m terrified of what people will say when I’m completely honest. It’s hard to bare it all – especially to “strangers”. Just know that I’m here if you want/need me. Thank you for opening up and sharing your struggle … because it is very true that depression or anxiety can strike even when your life seems to be all sunshine and rainbows.
I’m glad you took time to blog about it. There’s no shame – none whatsoever – in struggling OR in working to overcome those struggles. I guarantee that you get an overwhelming positive response to this post because everyone has issues they work to overcome, and we all cheer when someone “breaks through” and gains ground on overcoming them.
If you ever need to talk, blow off steam or anything, feel free to call.
I recently found this out about myself and wrote about it. it was hard for me to write about because i’ve always thought i was fine and i had no imperfections. turns out, once i told people about it, a lot of my friends suffer, too.
http://www.diamondsdogtagsdiapers.com/2012/03/12-years-later-it-all-makes-sense.html
good for you for opening up doll. i know its difficult to do but you all know you have a lot of support here and if anything we can do to make you smile and feel happy again we will 🙂 xo
Good for you for being open and honest! A lot of the stigma surrounding depression/anxiety comes because people just won’t talk about it. We all need help of some kind at some point. It takes courage to admit it.
I know it’s not easy to open up about things like this, but being honest helps you heal. My one piece of advice is DO NOT skip a dose of your meds. I used to take Paxil for panic attacks. Skipping a dose was THE WORST THING EVER. I would get headaches and feel like utter crap and have to lay in bed all day. From talking with other people, most drugs like that are the same. My second piece of advice is to continue seeing a therapist even though you’re on meds.And remember that recovery is a journey, not a destination.
Neely honey,
You have just inspired me and i want to thank you. I felt like I was reading what has been going on inside my own heart and soul for a while now. Thank you for sharing this so much, you really helped me with this post. It means so much to me to read that what you went through I have been and am going through.
Thank you so much for sharing I really mean it, I don’t know how else to thank you for this great, personal and up front post.
sending you hugs from AZ
Rae
I know that must have been a difficult post to write but good for you for recognizing the signs and seeking treatment! Stay strong!
this happened to me many years back and I can totally relate to how you felt. I so hope the medicine works and you get to feeling tons better soon!
This a HUGE step! I was on Lexapro myself for about 10 months. I will be VERY honest – it’s HARD to get off of the drug. I’m not sure what your mg are or the amount you take daily, but talk to your doctor about it when you get off. My doctor had me follow a from 2 doses daily to one, then cut in half, then every other day, then stopped. It was a slow process.
Overall, it really helped me.
These kind of conversations are often never spoken about, so I commend you for speaking up about it because you never know who you’re going to help ….
The simple fact that you are able to sit here & be this open & honest with yourself and this community just goes to show just how strong of a person you are! Life isn’t perfect, these feelings are real & they are there, it takes a lot to muster up the courage to face them head on instead of running away from them. If someone wants to judge you or whatever it is that they do, I would have to say it’s more of a reflection on themselves and the feelings that they are hiding & nothing to do with you & what you are going through.
At the end of the day being true to yourself is all that matters… & if you ever need anything you know where to find me :):)
<3 Melissa
Amen sister! Sometimes we just need the extra help – you have overcome the hardest part… admitting that you need something or someone extra! When I was diagnosed with anxiety it was a time that I was just changing jobs, planning a wedding and everything was “great”. The funny thing is our body can not tell the difference between the excitement or anxiety in things! Now 3 years later I have gone through a few personal battles with infertility and it has help sooo much to go and talk to someone, be on medication, set “boundries” (something I have a HARD time doing), and do things for myself! Thank you for posting about this! I really hate how so many people cast a negative thought on anxeity and depression – it makes getting thru it hard! Best of luck sweetie!
I think you’re doing great and the great thing about posting something so personal is that you get to see so many others who are struggling too and are relieved to read about someone going through the same things. You’re helping those who are too afraid to speak out by giving them a voice they can relate to! Way to be honest and real!
I struggle with anxiety on a regular basis. One of the tricks I have learned is to know and recognize my triggers, (crowds, loud noises, going to the grocery with my kids if they’re not behaving) and just try to avoid those if I am feeling anxious. Now that you’ve identified a problem, dealing with it will be much easier! Chin up buttercup!
There is such a stigma associated with mental illness. Amazingly there are so many of us that struggle with it either for a short time or our entire lives. My life melted down a few years ago, having so many of the symptoms you are having. My mother then proceeds to tell me she was in an institution for a while and my brother had been on meds for years. Would have been nice to know.
It takes great balls to come out and share your story and I am so glad you did. I wish someone was there to tell me it was okay when I was in my anxiety induced depression.
I was on Lexapro for about a year. I went to therapy for about 9-10 months before I realized I needed something extra. I felt so similar to how you were feeling. I was very open with my family and friends about it because I thought there was nothing to hide. I don’t think you are crazy. Lexapro is very mild and I really had no side effects except I started to feel better. I wanted to do things again. I was getting my life back. If they put you on Prozac or Paxil or something hardcore, that is a different story, but Lexapro is a great light drug you take to just get your internal balance back.
I truly believe that I had a chemical imbalance and Lexapro and therapy helped me work out so many things in my life. I had pretty severe social anxiety, which now I don’t, and I can say that Lexapro was a huge helper in that! Keep it up. And keep posting about your progress.
Neely! This is a struggle so many (including me) share. You should never feel ashamed in talking about it, because your words and your honest may do so much to help someone else that’s struggling too. My anxiety started in grad school and I thought it was just because of that, but it’s gotten worse since I graduated; and now, after reading your blog, I’m sure it’s due to similar suppression issues. See? Your blog helped someone who knows she has mild depression and moderate anxiety–me!
Hang in there. Medicine is marvelous and so is therapy. You’ll find yourself again.
I’m sure this was very hard to talk about…which is why so many people don’t. I have struggled with anxiety for years and years. My symptoms peaked several years ago, and that ended up being the wake up call I needed to change my life. Over the years I’ve discovered lifestyle changes that ease my anxiety and a flareup is a tell-tale sign that I’m not taking care of myself. Good luck in your journey.
I have taken lexapro for the past 5 years. I remember feeling EXACTLY like you described. And I swear I owe my life to Lexapro, it has worked WONDERS. I used to have anxiety so bad, all I could say is that my head felt like it was “in the clouds.” That was the best way I could describe it. So good for you for doing something about it, there is nothing wrong with taking a little pill to help offset little wires in our brains that are not working correctly 😉
love you!!
I try SO HARD to be AUTHENTIC and REAL in my blogging. What’s the point of writing it if you’re not showing the real you, am I right?!?! I swear EVERY TIME I break down and write an open, honest post like you did here I INSTANTLY feel better. Writing just helps me clear my head. And while I know I help a lot of people…I also ALWAYS get some hater comments whenever I post such topics. I, too, and going through a super super tough time right now. I feel ya on what you’re going through 100%. But I can pinpoint why I’m hurting so it does make it easier to deal with. And I have kids so I’m not able to get TOO down and out 😉 Here’s the recent post I wrote, thought you might find it encouraging (other than the “haters”) 🙂 http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/2012/10/going-through-motions.html
I think it’s great that you recognized that you were having issues and got the help you needed. I get anxious moments too. Mine mostly have to do with airplanes and small spaces. I’m here in the dfw area if you ever need to talk. I love Starbuck’s too!! Stacie xo
You are doing so much better than you even know. <3
The fact that you noticed something & the fact that you took positive steps in fixing it – speaks volumes! I am happy to hear you have a solution & that it will make you feel better. You’ve delt with a lot & I can tell you that medical issues along with the constant fear.. is a weight. You have so many supporters & I am so very thankful you shared such a personal post. <3. Amy
Hi Neely, wow what a raw post! You are such an inspiration to many and that’s due in large part to your honesty and open heart. Wishing you lots of sunshine in your life. Here if you need me! Xo
It’s too much work to be perfect! It takes a lot to be brutally honest with a bunch of people who you may or may not know, and it takes more courage to be honest with yourself. Kudos to you for recognizing changes within yourself, doing something about it, and sharing your story. For all you know, someone read this post and just made an appointment to help themselves. Thank you for this post 🙂
Girlfriend, you’ve read my blog so you already know that I suffer from severe depression as well as GAD… I have for YEARS now and I have been on Lexapro for quite sometime and it has really helped me. I deal with panic attacks and depression DAILY so if you ever wanna talk and just vent, you know how to find me.
Love you girl!
There is nothing wrong with helping your self from time to time– which is definitely what you are doing. I take antianxiety meds and was worried I would be labeled crazy lady, but it makes life less stressful and really helps me enjoy everything without constant worrying. Good for you sharing your story (trust me others are in the same boat as you)!!
I am so proud of you for opening up. So many people have the same problem and this post will help to tell them that it is ok to be honest to yourself. I got very depressed after my dad passed away. I didn’t want to go on any medicine. I lost 20lbs. I got down to 83lbs. and I am only 5’1″. I finally gave in because my fiance was scared that I was going to wither away. I started seeing a therapist and I am taking anti-depressants. Thanks for your post!!! I hope you start to feel more like yourself again!!!
You are awesome for sharing this Neely. I know it takes strength. I did a post one day on my health anxiety and had it drafted for weeks because I was worried that people would think I was crazy…but know what? It’s our PERSONAL blogs and we can write whatever the frick we want. And this is us. Take it or leave it people! I’m here for you friend and I do deal with anxiety myself on a daily basis…so I’m definitely open to chatting if you are having a tough day. Love to you xoxo
http://www.yourstrulyblog.com
Sweetheart, you are strong and you WILL get through this. I’m just so proud of you for sharing this and just being the person you are through everything that’s been going on lately. Love you lots.
I’m proud of you, Neely. It takes a lot of courage to post this. I wish you the best of luck… I hope the medicine works for you and that you’re able to find joy in the things that once made you happy. We’re all here for you, and just remember I’m only a text message away, friend. <3
Wow, what an amazing way to open up and help others not be afraid to get help when needed as well. I think so many people close off and don’t want to admit when things go wrong, but wow… thanks for being so brave! We all have struggles at different times and I am proud of you for dealing with your struggles in such a positive way. You are strong, beautiful, & amazing!
Wow Neely, I am so glad you shared this, and so proud of you for being able to.
It took me forever to admit that I underwent depression, and I still have been toying with blogging about it. It’s such a confusing thing to go through, and such an odd feeling to have. You are so brave for taking the steps yourself; I had to be dragged into a therapist’s office by both of my concerned parents (to know that the agreed and were both concerned about me should have been my first clue… they are divorced and never agree about ANYTHING), and then underwent SEVERAL sessions until I could finally make the next steps through depression.
As a young, 20-something gal, it’s hard to believe that we can go through something like this. When I see the advertisements, I would just look away or change the channel, with the whole “that’ll never happen to me” attitude.
It’s heartwarming and assuring to know that I’m not alone. Hopefully this part will help you: it DOES get better. For me it took a bit of a while, but eventually I started to get my “groove” back, and started to be more pro-active in my life and less cynical/anxious about everything. Next thing I knew, a few months had passed and I was back to being social and laughing at things I had loved to be engaged in before.
Stay strong, and stay persistent. Take every day at a time. If one day you feel like crying, cry. Wake up the next day and let it be a whole new, different experience.
Please feel free to visit my blog and let me know how you’re doing!
– Sarah at A Dash of Sarah
Do I ever worry that I’m too honest?
Yes. Every day. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too personal on my blog, or if I’m ruining my career by putting myself in a bad position should I ever need to look for another job. I also worry I’ll be single forever. But you know what? I think transparency allows us to connect.
We have to be real.
I also have anxiety issues – and I take medication for it myself. It’s just a part of life sometimes. We think depression can’t happen to us because we picture it as this like overwhelming sense of pathetic where you’re suicidal or something – much like we think rapists lurk in the bushes – it’s all perception. So when you’re diagnosed you’re like, “No, really?”
I get it.
I hope it goes well – sometimes it can take a while to get the right medication and dose. Keep with it.
Thanks for sharing.
Hats off to you for writing this post. I don’t know if I ever could. What’s crazy though is I think in today’s world, there are so many people who have some sort of anxiety thing going on due to everything having to be done and so quickly. I wish we were in a place that layed back was ok to be. Sometimes I think I need something because all I do at home is care for Emma. I hate cooking, cleaning is a joke and mine and hubby’s relationship has taken the back burner, something I swore I would never do.
This was such an honest post. I would never have the courage to be that up front and honest. I can’t even tell my boyfriend about my struggle with depression & anxiety. I’m proud of you for noticing the signs so quickly. It took me years to figure it out. I wish you luck on the long journey of life and hope that you can find a wonderful balance of it all.
I’m sorry you’re going through this friend! Just know that I’m thinking of you and am here for you if you ever need to talk or vent or … anything! LOVE YOU
we all struggle at some point. The best part is that you realized it and took active steps. Thank you for being honest and open about it. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone.
You’re amazing, I love you 🙂 I have to give you major major props for writing this post – it’s really brave of you! And important too! So many people struggle with issues like this and don’t talk about them, so having someone like you come out and talk about it is huge and makes a difference. I’m also proud that you noticed a change and went to go do something about it!
It’s great that you are sharing, as you can see from the comments it is not something you alone struggle with… so many of us, including myself, struggle with anxiety and depression. It’s hard and can be life consuming so you have to take steps to get yourself out of it or you can be lost… I had been on Lexapro and have recently switched because of pregnancy, but medicine is there for a reason- there is no shame it taking it for depression or anxiety in the same way there is no shame in taking it for a headache. Don’t be afraid to try different medications to see what works best for you, because they are all different. I also think therapy is incredibly undervalued! Good for you! 🙂 Here is my recent post about the subject-
http://howsweetthisis.blogspot.com/2012/10/lets-get-real-anxiety-trust-part-1.html
Stephanie
Thank you for sharing this. It is something few people talk about, but I think a lot more people than you ever can imagine struggles with! If I am scared what people think when I am honest? Nearly always!
Hey love! Kudos to you for realizing your struggles and taking care of YOU! That’s so admirable!!!! I think it’s so courageous of you to also share and put it out there. SO true! This is your blog, about you, and as you know I LOVE YOU!!! Keep on rockin on beautiful friend!
XXOXOXO
Kristine from The Foley Fam {unedited} Blog
Neely, I’m just now reading this.. catching up. I feel for you. I really, really do and I can tell you that I’ve been there and AM still there. And, I take Lexapro as well & it has worked wonders for me. I truly hope that you will see a big difference in yourself, the way you’re able to deal with situations, the way you feel, etc. It’s not a fun thing to deal with, but it’s great that you were so willing to go for help, so early on. If you ever have questions or just need someone to vent to, I’m just a tweet away! (or you could always text, call, etc) Lots of hugs, friend!!
I currently am taking Lexapro and am struggling with depression and anxiety. The best we can do is move forward and surround ourselves with positive people and own our feelings and emotions. Thank you for opening up.
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