Hey Y’all today I am letting Miss Bonnie take over my blog
She is Fabulous. Period.
Well, hello there, folks. The name is Bonnie. I blog over at Life of Bon where life is always a party. I am so stoked to be posting on Neely’s blog today. One thing about me you should know is that I’m about as nice as they come and I’m always looking out for the less fortunate. It has come to my attention that there are several bloggers out there in the world that aren’t married. GASP! What a shame! Naturally, I figured we have to get this problem fixed ASAP because as we all know it is just unacceptable to be an unmarried blogger.
This is where I come in. You see, I have got some experience in this department because I about dang near turned into an old maid myself before I got that diamond safely secured on my finger! I was pushing 25 years old when I said “I do”! TWENTY FIVE! Imagine! Therefore, I know all the dos and don’ts of dating and I’m here to share my expert wisdom with you all! Enjoy friends!
HOW TO BECOME A BRIDE:
BY BONNIE BLACKBURN LARSEN
Step 1: Sit outside on your balcony Juliet style to get his attention. Also, make sure your hair is a weird color. Heck, that’s what I did! I was just sitting on my balcony when old Hubs himself walked on by. I’d never seen the dude before, but he yelled up to me that he was digging the pink in my hair and then I knew it was love. All thanks to my balcony. You can learn a lot from studying old Shakespeare, you know.
Step 2: Interrogate him about his work ethic. The first real conversation I had with Hubs revolved around work and nothing else. I worked at Sizzler and he worked at The Olive Garden so I figured, “Hey! Let’s talk restaurants!” I drilled him on how many tables he worked at a time, how fast the tables rotated, what the average bill was, how much he made in tips a night, etc, etc, ETC! The questions were fierce and fast, and I’m pretty sure Hubs was really turned on by that! Come on, what boy wouldn’t love being harassed about how much money he makes?
Step 3: Tell him you will hit him on the head with a hammer (or any other creative threat) if he doesn’t spend time with you . It’s true, girls! Threats work! But make sure they’re creative, so he’ll remember you! None of this, “I’ll kill you stuff”, you gotta make yourself stick out in his brain. For our first “hang out” Hubs and I were supposed to play cards one Sunday night. I hadn’t seen him in church so I called him up 30 minutes before game time to see if we were still on. He didn’t answer. In a moment of panic I told him that if he ditched me for this I would indeed, take it out on him hammer style. And voila, He was at my door half an hour later.
Step 4: Stick your face directly in front of his until he finally kisses you. Good old Hubs was a little nervous about that first kiss, so I made it easy on him! I sat next to him on the couch and literally stuck my face right in front of his for about an hour until he finally planted one on me. I don’t know about you, but I personally think guys find it quite refreshing when a girl just puts her face right in front of his and waits patiently. Who wouldn’t love that?!?
Step 5: Three weeks after you start dating, make him go to your crazy hometown and have every hick there ask him when you two are getting married. Now I didn’t plan this, but really, it couldn’t have worked out better! I took him home to meet my mom, but little did I know we would run into a lot of other friends: old school teachers, church buddies, neighbors, ETC. And everyone wanted to know one little thing, “When are you two getting married?!?” I pretended to act embarrassed, but really, I LOVED it. I got those folk to place the idea in his head, and months later that boy was down on one knee BEGGING me to marry him!
Now, kids, I know these tactics might seem a bit unconventional, but TRUST ME! They work! If you want yourself a hubby before your ovaries get rusty, you best put these steps to the test.
And don’t forget to invite me to speak at your wedding!
MWAH!
Find Bonnie here:
Hilarious! Love your rules. LOL! If you get a chance, I’d love for you to check out my post today on Mixing Prints:)
http://www.winetastegirl.com
Um, this girl is hilarious! off to follow her blog now.
So that’s what I’m doing wrong…
oh lord. Bonnie you are hilarious. Love reading your stuff! 🙂
ok she cracked me up
we could so be friends
Very funny and much needed on this day! 🙂
I’m 24, single, and have no intentions of finding the one anytime soon. Maybe I’m truly “old maid” material.
Oh, that Bonnie is a hoot and a half! I love reading her blog. So light hearted and serious when it comes to important stuff. Fantastic!
I’ve tried all this and some how still don’t have a shiny ring on my finger, you sure you didn’t leave one out?! 🙂 haha checking out her blog now!
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athlete shoes http://www.cdtennis64.fr/airmax.asp?id=athlete-shoes