I’ve discussed the topic of friendships several times on the blog.
As I have gotten older both my tolerance for crap has gotten very low.
I have also noticed that the quantity of friends vs. quality of friends debate in my head has hit a turning point.
I would rather have 3 amazing friends I can count on 24/7 then 12 friends who were all mediocre and don’t return phone calls.
I know this seems very obvious…you know don’t have crappy friends.
Sometimes though you don’t realize you have a crappy friend.
I had a friend for a long time that I used to make excuses for “Oh she’s just like that” “She means well” Then I realized she is making a choice. She is choosing to be a bad friend and not make our friendship a priority.
I have had these situations with lots of girls as I am sure you all have at one point or another.
Friendships take work like any other relationship.
I can’t stand when you try to make plans with people over and over and they just don’t have the time. Then you hear from them and they say something to the effect of “OMG I miss you, lets get together.” Ummm Yeah I’ve been trying to hang out with you for months.
I have another “friend” who I only see when she’s single. Seriously. In the 9 years I’ve known her we’ve probably hung out less than 20 times…but as soon as her now husband is on a work trip guess who she calls….
I know this entire post sounds like a massive vent/ramble but here is my point and yes I have one…
Treat your friends well. I can’t tell you how important my friendships are to me. Especially the last few weeks with my dad I saw how amazing certain friends of mine were and how I didn’t hear from some people that I felt I should have.
I have some really amazing friends and in the last 3-4 years I’ve definitely weeded out some really crappy ones and made some new ones.
Just think to yourself: Are you being a good friend? Do you make time for your friends? Do you call and check in on them from time to time?
You should.
I had a friend for a long time that I used to make excuses for “Oh she’s just like that” “She means well” Then I realized she is making a choice. She is choosing to be a bad friend and not make our friendship a priority.
I have had these situations with lots of girls as I am sure you all have at one point or another.
Friendships take work like any other relationship.
I can’t stand when you try to make plans with people over and over and they just don’t have the time. Then you hear from them and they say something to the effect of “OMG I miss you, lets get together.” Ummm Yeah I’ve been trying to hang out with you for months.
I have another “friend” who I only see when she’s single. Seriously. In the 9 years I’ve known her we’ve probably hung out less than 20 times…but as soon as her now husband is on a work trip guess who she calls….
I know this entire post sounds like a massive vent/ramble but here is my point and yes I have one…
Treat your friends well. I can’t tell you how important my friendships are to me. Especially the last few weeks with my dad I saw how amazing certain friends of mine were and how I didn’t hear from some people that I felt I should have.
I have some really amazing friends and in the last 3-4 years I’ve definitely weeded out some really crappy ones and made some new ones.
Just think to yourself: Are you being a good friend? Do you make time for your friends? Do you call and check in on them from time to time?
You should.
Have you ever gone through tough situations with friends?
Amen!
You know how you go to church and the topic of that day just some how speaks directly to you? Well that just happened to me with this post. Insanity. I am currently in an email discussion with one of my “best friends”… realistically the only one I have probably. (Don’t judge me, I am at work!) It’s hard to know when it’s time to let go or when it is totally worth fighting through the rough patch. Sorta like a marriage? lol
SO true!
You hit the spot! I’m starting to have the friends who have the babies and are feeling that we can’t hang out because of that issue. I don’t care if you have kiddos, I’m perfectly fine with that, but one day your kiddo is going to be old enough and gone and what are you going to do when you isolated your friends back when? I’ve had to say goodbye to many friendships because of some of the things you posted above. Its sad but sometimes just has to happen.
I’m RIGHT there with you girl. I think after college it was really hard for me to realize that many of my friendships had become one-sided. All these “amazing friends” I had were NEVER the one to pick up the phone and call, or email or ever ever make plans. If I wanted to see them, I had to do allll the work and be the one to drive to their city.
Luckily, I realized it and have slowly let go of a lot of those people. No hard feelings there, but I’m only going to surround myself with friendships that are mutual. I now have probably 2-3 gals I’d call my best friends and they truly would do anything for me.
Whoops- novel comment!! 🙂
Well said. I completely agree with you and am at the point where I am realizing that “friend” that calls only when they need something and you see once a year really isnt a friend. Its tough, but its the truth. I’m glad you have some really dependable friends in your life!
Apparently we are going through the same thing, I posted about this very early this morning after not being able to sleep. Ugh.
Preach. I am so glad that I realized that my “true” friends are people that don’t just call me their friend.
PS: luh you.
i couldn’t help but wonder…
Liz
Thank you for posting this. In the last couple of years I have lost several friendships because one day I woke up and realized that they were not worth the energy it took to maintain it. They benefited from us being friends, somehow I didn’t. I was used and only called when they needed something. It’s not worth it to hold onto a toxic relationship.
Amen. Spot on!
Girl … I love you! Friendships are tricky things sometimes. It’s hard to frequently feel like you put yourself out there only to not have the same reciprocated. I’ve gotten hurt by one too many “friend” But I’ve slowly started to learn who really matters and what true friendship looks like!!!! xoxo
I struggle with Facebook for this very reason. It goes something like this:
“Wow! My friend list is up to 150! That feels sooo good! Except most of them are not really my friends in the true sense, and a few I don’t actually know, I just needed more neighbors in Farmville three years ago and we never unfriended each other.”
It’s a vortex that is hard to get out of. My tolerance has waned as well. I think that is an important part of maturing and loving oneself. At least I hope. I think I’ve found my latest blog post. 🙂
Sarah
Couldn’t agree more. I think realizing the quality vs quantity debate comes with age & maturity. Bc in high school it was all about having as many friends but I think college years & maturity helps transforms your outlook in what a ‘best friend’ truly means.
Well said my friend!!
Great post love! I was just thinking to myself how much better I have felt lately now that I’ve cut out those friends in my life. Even just hiding them on facebook lifted a hugeeeee frustration from my life! It sucks that sometimes that’s how it has to be but…oh well, it is what it is!
I’ve been MIA from blogging lately, but I just had to comment on this post! Oh,and I think you’ll like my next post coming up. 😉 love ya.
Friendships are so hit and miss. I’ve had to let go of friendships because it was too much more for me and not enough effort on their part. In the long run it is so much healthier to have a select few GREAT friends than a bunch of so-so friends. I agree!! You are SUCH a great friend. Thank you for being so awesome. You have far exceeded my expectations a bunch of times and I really appreciate your friendship!!
i have had sooooo many friends take a HUGE dump on me, that i now only have 1!! true story! my childhood friend tried to hook up with my husband not too long ago and another friend whom knew i was having my problems with my husband tried the same thing! women are catty and vicious and well.. thats why i got 1 friend!
Sometimes you get lucky and get a really good friend really young. sometimes you’ll go through many friends until you find a couple.
people are just nuts!
i totally agree with you!
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So very true! I would so much rather have a few super great friends that I can truly rely on than a bunch I couldn’t. Great post 😀
ur a good friend….it’s only fair you have them in return!
I live by your philosophy, Neely. I have just a handful of close dependable friends. Life really is all about quality not quantity!
I haven’t had many friends because of this. I just depend on my family mostly. I have recently made some pretty good friends so I can see what I’ve been missing out on, but sometimes the hassle isn’t worth it.
I love this post. I feel like the older I get, the more friends I “weed” out. I also have come to realize that certain people are just toxic and negative.
I adore you, lady! Hearts!
I was just talking to one of my friends about this last night… And I couldnt agree with you more!
When my aunt passed away in May, 4 of my friends called… 4. To me, it was a huge wakeup call as to the people who were really my friends, and those who chose to be accquaintances (sp?)…
Hope all is well with your dad, sweetie!!!
I was just talking to one of my friends about this last night… And I couldnt agree with you more!
When my aunt passed away in May, 4 of my friends called… 4. To me, it was a huge wakeup call as to the people who were really my friends, and those who chose to be accquaintances (sp?)…
Hope all is well with your dad, sweetie!!!
I understand that completely! I had a major surgery in 2010 and I was pretty shocked at some of the “friends” who couldn’t even be bothered to leave a “get well soon” on facebook…let alone text, call, or visit.
I have about three really close girlfriends but all the others are just acquaintances. And there have been a few others (aside from those three) that have come and gone. I have no problem saying “you’re a crappy friend” and walking away if the situation warrants it. You gotta stand up for what you deserve!
AGREE!! My ex-roommate and I just had a lengthy conversation about this. She and I have both been questioning friendships with long time friends and seeing that maybe the friendships aren’t what we thought.
P.S. I’ve think about you and your dad every day. I hope things are going well.
So true! I went through this phase at the end of college, and it was a huge wake up call! I basically said goodbye to my best friend since elementary school because I felt so taken for granted. Unfortunately it involved a sick parent too! 🙁 Now I’m living in another state and can count on one hand the friends I can rely on 100%. But like you said, quality over quantity. And I hope those friends feel like I treat them just as well!
All the best to you and your dad!!
I def feel as I’ve gotten older and “settled down” certain friends have started dropping like flies. I also get irritated with teh people who move into the “engaged” category suddenly forget how to hold a normal conversation and have any consideration for anyone around them. Planning a wedding is fine, but for real, give me a break sometimes.
Love this post girl! I can totally relate! I wrote a post about friendships at the beginning of the year here and unfortunately I’ve had to weed out more “friends” since then, but at the end of the day it’s all good, because the people who do care are still here and they’re the ones that matter the most, and they’re the ones I need to be spending more time on anyway 🙂 Anywhoo thanks for sharing your thoughts! XOXOXO
Thank you for this!!! I have had to realize this since college and as much as it hurts it’s just not worth it to try so hard with someone and them not make time for me. My very best friend just moved home to live with her parents after college and I asked her to hang out and she said she would but she was at her parents house. I get tired of stupid excuses!
I’ve contemplated writing this VERY post. I’m so sick of people NOT making the same considerations for me that I do for them. It’s just rude and disappointing.
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Thank you! I am behind on my blog reading, but this post hit home. So dealing with a friend blowing me off, but I am always there for her. Its a 13 year friendship and sometimes I just want to give up!
Praying for your dad and you. 🙂
Honestly, I feel like I check in with my friends and then never get that back in return. I’m getting to be so over it and not even caring if I end up with just my husband & one best friend around b/c I’m tired of being nice all the time and being treated like dirt 🙁
I could not have said this any better, myself!