Do you ever have those days, weeks where you just feel like you hold the weight of the world on your shoulders?
This week has been that for me.
I feel as though a lot is weighing on me. A lot I have kept inside, hidden, been down about.
I warn you now this is not a very happy post.
I constantly worry about my dad. As many of you know he has stage 3 non hodgkins lymphoma. It has been very tough on our family to see him go through this. Honestly he is taking it better than I am. He goes to work everyday and even the days he has chemo or tests he works from the hospital and goes to work right after. He is amazing. But I am terrified. I am terrified he will not make a full recovery. I am terrified he wont be himself. I am terrified he will not get better.
As a blogger I put my life out there. I write about my personal life, I tweet etc. I still don’t get how this gives ANYONE the right to judge my life or question it. Earlier in the week I received an email, not a comment but an email asking very personal questions about my dad, my relationship, my job etc. Here’s the thing, I post on the blog what I want people to know. If I don’t post about it then chances are I don’t want to get into it. There are some bloggers I have developed close relationships with. Ones I talk to daily and email and text with. Even some of them don’t know every single thing going on with me. I try to keep some of my life private and I really hope people respect that. Especially when it comes to my dad and my relationship with Chad. I will also NOT be posting specifically where I work.
Dreams. I feel as though we all have that one dream we want to achieve. I feel as though recently mine was really close and then it didn’t happen. I have been very disappointed by this. I’d rather not go into details but I think disappointment in life is just hard. Its hard to be disappointed by a person but I feel its also hard to be disappointed at a situation. Getting your hopes up and having them knocked down is the worst feeling. This really left me down. Its really altered my appetite, my mood and my smile. I smile a lot. Its who I am. I am a happy person. Its been tough for me to come out of this. I know it sounds vague and I am sorry for that but I don’t feel comfortable going into much detail. I just feel like my purpose is fading. I don’t know if that makes sense at all its just been weighing on me.
I keep a lot of myself. I try to not complain a lot. Especially about my dad because I HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT! He is the one suffering and fighting. I try to be as supportive as I can.
I just can’t shake this down feeling and honestly I am at a loss.
If you made it this far, thanks for listening and I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Do you ever feel as though you have no control of your emotions? How do you handle it?
Honey you need a hug. Everyone and I mean everyone suffers disappointment and goes through rough patches. We just have to figure how we are going to get past it. I know easier said than done. And as far as getting personal emails, I think that probably comes with the territory of having such a successful blog. Now I’m not saying you have to disclose anything that you are asked. I’m just saying that’s probably something you will always deal with since so many ppl “know” you. Sorry I wrote a novel just wanted to tell you that you aren’t alone and we are all dealing with our own struggles. I’ll pray for you and your dad. Keep your head up.
I’ve been a different person ever since I had my baby 7 months ago. I feel worried all the time. And I’m constantly thinking about bad things happening to her or my family. You just need to remember that your life and your dads, is in God’s hands. I know this is so cliche, but everything really does happen for a reason, whether it be good or bad. Just remember to keep your head up and try to stay positive. Cherish the time you have with your dad. I’ll be praying for your family and your dad.
You are so strong 🙂
Xoxox
Keep smiling !! You make your readers smile everyday !!!
Sometimes we just have to let go of our emotions in order to heal. In situations like this we want to be strong, and it’s hard to understand that being strong doesn’t mean we have to be in control. I hope that you will feel some of that weight lifted and remember, everyone deals with things in their own way…there’s no right answer. You and your dad will be in my prayers. Hugs!
When you figure out how to control emotions, email me, I’ve been trying for EVER to figure that ish out. I suffer from anxiety, ADD, depression like whoa and I’m sure a few other things.
I don’t know why someone is being so nosy, you divulge a lot of your personal life on your blog and the rest is no one else’s business.
You are strong, and your daddy is strong.
I think everything will be okay.
I usually get a few bottles of my fave wine, the girliest girly movies I can find & have a great big sob fest. It doesn’t solve anything or give me the answer to life’s meaning but it does help relieve some of the pressure & stress.
I usually cry, cry and then cry some more. Then find something to appreciate like the people in my life that I love so much, like the little blessings in my life. And then I can make it through another day!Things will get better, just dont lose hope!
Love, millie
So first I’m sending you a huge air hug and if we were to meet in person I’d give you one then. I cry. I hate to cry but sometimes when I’m feeling like this I just suck it up and cry and it helps. I drink wine with friends and watch a favorite movie. I don’t know if you’re religous but I often pray and/or read the bible. Know that it will get better and you have a bunch of other readers who really care about you no matter what you post.
Your Dad is amazing and you are amazing. You will both get through this and know “this too shall pass”.
Xoxo
You are awesome Neely! Hold you head up and keep that smile, even when it is hard. What you share on your blog or wherever is yours! So ignore crazy people and their nosey personalities. There is a plan for you and your dream. We all have your back to support you! 😉
I’m sorry to hear about everything going on right now. I hate it how in life, sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong all at once. I know how much it hurts to be disappointed by a situation, but I just know more opportunities will come along for you, so keep your passion. As others have stated, you are a strong person! Sending happy thoughts and prayers to you and your dad.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will be praying that God gives you peace to help you through. He will never put more on you than you can hold even though you feel like you are going to break. I am always worried or stressed about something. I will either go tan, get a mani/pedi and drive around aimlesly.
I am always here if you need to talk.
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Girlfriend- I am praying for you- every day! And I have faith that your dad is as strong as you are and will fight this with all of his might! I’m going to email you later because I can personally relate to a lot of the things you talked about here! Hugs friend!!
I know this feeling well. Sometimes it feels like it’s just raining on you. Everyone else sees sun, but you only get clouds. When this happens to me, I usually try and get some quality alone time. I stay home, catch up on the DVR or read, and take a break from everyone — even social media. But I’m an introvert, so that’s how I recharge and best sort out my emotions.
I hope things get better for you. Praying for you and your dad. <3
I’ve been there on plenty of occasions. I usually have a good cry, get my favorite junk food and have a sad movie marathon. Sometimes things are better in the morning. When they aren’t I call my girlfriends for a fun night to try and snap me out of my funk.
Don’t misunderstand, I understand the need to express sad emotions! But like you, I don’t like to stay in that sad place longer than I have to.
I’ve felt this way many times….usually I just need to a good cry sesh and to really think my way through my emotions, I usually feel much better afterwards.
Hope things get better and I am always keeping you, your family, and especially your Dad in my thoughts.
So sorry you’re going through all this 🙁 I can’t imagine. Keeping you and your dad in my thoughts and prayers!!
We’re all here for you!! I can honestly say that I too hold a lot of my stress/emotions in. That’s not always the best thing but you feel like it’s just easiest to be strong and deal with it on your own. I often don’t talk because I’ve had experiences where people don’t give you the feedback or support you need and it makes you feel worse. But sometimes you just need to vent and let it all out to people that you know will be there for you no matter what. And I know you said you have no right to complain about your dad because it’s not you, but that’s not true because it does have an effect on you because he is your dad and you love him and you want him to be okay. So what I’m trying to say it’s perfectly normal to have no control over your emotions in a tough time!!
Love ya girl! xoxo
I definitely have times like this!
I will be keeping your daddy in my prayers!
& if people can’t understand that you need a private life outside of your blog, they need to get over themselves!
What I do when I get like this, I talk to my one person that I can tell anything to and she can usually make me feel better, so go to your go to best friend and have a good vent/cry session!
xoxo.
<3 you Neely!
Oh Neely … I think we all have moments where the weight of the world is on our shoulder. I’ve been keeping your dad in my thoughts & prayers … it’s understandable and ok for you to feel helpless and scared, in fact I would think its normal given the circumstances, but your dad sounds like an amazingly strong man … yes, disappointment is hard. It hurts. I’ve had more then my share, but try not to let it keep you down and out. One of my favorite sayings is: “I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.” Hang in there hunnie! And if you ever need to vent I’m just an email (or text … I’ll send you my number) away!!! xoxoxo
Keep your head up Neely. I have always found that when I feel like I’ve lost my way, if I look around for a while and try to focus on the things that I love, a new path becomes available. One that is even better than the one I picked for myself in the first place. I can’t imagine what you are going through with your dad. I will keep him in my prayers. I hope you have a good weekendregardless of the things weighing down on you. xoxo
I have no idea what it is like to have a dad with cancer so I won’t pretend I do or give you advice on how to deal with that. The blogger/reader sharing info thing is hard. I once asked a blogger I considered a friend a personal question and was kind of scolded by her. It is a little like being a celebrity I think. We are making the choice to put our lives out there. I’m sure you handled it well and told the person nicely that you didn’t want to discuss those things. I think you have made it clear that you don’t want to talk about your dad or Chad. That you will share what you want and that’s it. Sounds like the person was being judgey. Judgement is one of those things I think we will forver have to deal with. After a year of being judge about my decisions raising Chase I’ve finally accepted that I can’t let little comments get to me. You have to have faith that you are making the right decisions in your life and not care what other people think. As far as your disapointment with a dream, I’m just guessing based on what I know about you. Some dreams change. Oh, Chase wants to say something, “z4rxud=+v048t0-055t05tXPL %lrfpl[W1’\\0′;oijhu8uitrb895tb48erbrtbrtf89rr.li………………..88jj8j8888l88888”. He’s tired and cranky so I need to end this. Some dreams we aren’t willing to give up on. Some dreams will never come true. You can be disappointed and sad but you know what you need to do.
I know what you mean when you say you have no control over your emotions. I went through a big family change last fall and I was a mess for a long time. Super down all the time, not myself, you know… It’s hard to be happy all the time when you’re going though such a trying period. Keep your head up! Thank you for sharing. I love bloggers who aren’t afraid to be real 🙂
Lots of hugs!
I totally understand how you feel. This week has been similar for me- not feeling in control of my emotions…
I’ve been making stupid mistakes at work and saying things that shouldn’t be said and feeling so frustrated and at the end of my rope.
The way I deal with it? I step back. I get back to basics.
I recently went on a Facebook hiatus (one week today!) and also a blogging (gasp!) hiatus. I needed time to focus inward on me and my life and my heart that was hurting but I didn’t know why.
My hiatuses have been surprisingly refreshing. At first it felt like deprivation but I feel way more in control now.
I am in no way suggesting you stop blogging or tweeting! I enjoy reading what you have to say =)
But it might help to take a retreat for you to spend time with/on you.
Hang in there…. I’m rooting for you!
I’ve gone through some rough times and the best thing to do is just keep your head up! I know that sounds cliche but it’s true. Hope for the best and do what you can. And you are right that you shouldn’t be judged on what you write, it’s your blog. You share what you wish and don’t share what is no one else’s business. Love your blog and keep being a strong and sweet girl!
Also I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award on my blog xo
http://northwestgrits.blogspot.com/2012/06/versatile-blogger.html
Oh, Neely… I am so sorry! I hope everything is okay with your family, your career, etc… but do not feel like you have to be a complete open book! It’s your life, and what you choose to share is up to you. No one has the right to feel like they “need” to know what’s going.
Keep your chin up, sweetie… there are tons of us that think you’re pretty Fabulous 🙂
Neely, first off I want to say that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Secondly, I’m so sorry about that ridiculous e-mail someone sent you. How nosey can people be? Your life is NOT an open book!
Stay strong, you’ll get through this :)!