Have you ever heard the phrase “friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life.” It’s one of my favorite phrases and pretty much you can always put any friendship into one of those boxes.
The Ebb and Flow of Friendships
When your growing up your friends are friends of convenience. In elementary, jr high, and high school you are friends because of where you live, where you go to school, or maybe an activity you are in. College is pretty much the same. Out of college at first it may be similar. Perhaps they are a neighbor, a coworker etc. But as you get into later adulthood friendships become a bit different.
Friendships ebb and flow throughout life and even when you are out of a certain stage you may remain friends with people from that stage. I have friends from all stages of life still and some I am closer to now even than I was then. I think thats where the ebb and flow come from. Maybe you met someone in a sorority and you were more acquaintances than friends. Then perhaps you both moved to the same neighborhood and had kids around the same time and decided to get them together for a playdate or mom hang. Then that friendship now based more on choice than convenience is deeper and more genuine. You have had life struggles and bond over the challenges of motherhood.
Maybe you met someone in Jr High and you knew them but you never hung out, then you moved to a new city and remembered they had moved there too so you reach out and become better friends that way.
Then there are the friends you may not see or talk to often but when you do it feels like not a day has passed. You can jump into a conversation that it was a continuation from a brunch you had 20 years ago.
One of my best friends and I met in MOPs (moms of preschoolers) over 6 years ago. If you’d asked me the day we met if she and I could become friends I doubt I would have said yes. Then the pandemic hit. We had become friends but not close friends. One day she told me about an app, Marco Polo and when you are locked down with a 3 year old and 3 month old and feel like you may go insane at any minute a simple app becomes your lifeline. We sent Marco Polo’s back and forth all day everyday for months and now 6 years later we still do. Every day. I joke with her all the time that the pandemic is why we became best friends.
There have been ends to certain friendships that were really hard for me at the time and looking back I realize those friendships were meant to teach me something and much like a romantic relationship once you learn the lesson they’ve served their purpose. Maybe that sounds harsh but I do believe it.
I think when you realize that every friendship, relationship, etc is meant to guide you, teach you, and shape you you start to look at them in a more positive light when they end.
Just some musings on friendship today.
