In April it will be 10 years since Andrew and I started IVF. We were extremely lucky in that we had two good embryos and both took. Liam and Charlotte. Being nearly 10 years on the other side of this I really wanted to reflect on the experience and how I look at things differently now.
First I just want to say every single experience with IVF and infertility in general is so different. All of my friends who have gone through it and not two of them have a similar experience. This is just my experience, my thoughts.
Almost 10 Years Later- Reflecting On Infertility
Before we started IVF we had done several rounds of medicated cycles and I can remember being really hopeful the first time. Eagerly waiting the two weeks and taking a test at home for it to just say NEGATIVE. The first time it really beat me down. I cried for days. The second time and third time I just kind of expected it to say negative so when it did I was not shocked just sad. It honestly sent me into a really sad place. Then I found out someone very close to me was pregnant without even trying and I felt like I could not breathe.
It took me a LONG time to realize I wasn’t unhappy for them I was just sad for me. It’s so easy now to look back and realize what I could have said or done in the moment but hindsight.
I got pregnant in June of 2016 after our first transfer. I can remember the moment they called to tell us so vividly. Andrew didn’t want me to take a pregnancy test so we waited until we got blood work done. I was so anxious after the positive that I went back every 2 days until we saw the heartbeat. Even then we were sooooo scared to even tell anyone. I remember after 2 scans they “graduate” you to your regular OB. Once she gave me the go ahead I felt like I could enjoy pregnancy.
We went on to have our very healthy Liam 9 months later and 2 years later did another transfer and had Charlotte.
It’s hard for me to believe this was all so long ago because it still feels so fresh to me. The wounds never completely heal and the trauma never completely goes away. I realize how lucky I am that I got them both and they are happy, healthy, kids. Truly a miracle.
If you are reading this and going through this kind of season know that it doesn’t last forever. One way or another you do end up on the other side of it and the people that matter understand.
