I’ve written about friendships a few times here on the blog but after reading this article I wanted to touch on it again.
The article talks about why friendships fall apart in your 20’s and touches on a few different reasons. Now we have all had friendships in our lives fall apart for different reasons. I had one friendship fall apart nearly five years ago after I gave my opinion on her relationship and she didn’t take it well. It spiraled out of control and a lot of things were said on both ends. Almost five years later we still haven’t spoken.
I have also had a friendship end where someone wasn’t a fan of someone I was dating at the time so she stopped being my friend all together.
As we get older, friendships become so much harder. Not just to make but to maintain. We get busy, we get married, people have babies, move, get new jobs, etc. Time becomes a luxury and when we have it we have to-do lists a mile long and sometimes friends aren’t the priority.
When I was younger I remember my mom telling me that if I had two really great friends I could count on I was lucky and I know for certain I have those and more. As I get older I value my friendships so much more and the peripheral friends become less important and the friendships I want to hone in on, the ones that are there for me all the time through good and bad become the ones I want to make sure I put the time and effort into. No matter how tough that may be sometimes.
In the past few months I have also found out that some friends really aren’t friends. That is always hard to find out but always necessary. A necessary evil I suppose.
I recall another friendship ending because the idea of going out and partying all the time just stopped appealing to me and she was still stuck in that lifestyle. TO each their own but its just not for me. The article touches on this exact thing too.
I highly suggest reading it and also making sure you are making time for the friendships that are important to you. Friends are such a valuable part of life.
Thoughts?
Great thoughts, Neely! And your Mom is very wise. I’m learning how most friendships are for a season *and* that it’s ok. It’s hard as hell sometimes, but it’s ok. The quote you shared is one that really helped me process through some past friendship issues. The extra challenging friendship adventures are the ones where you think someone is a friend but really isn’t. It’s like getting a product you think is top of the line only to find out it’s the generic version.
I have friendships that are over 40-years-old and then I have friendships under a year-old. I consider myself lucky to have folks that know me and hang through with me (as I them). I’m with your mom and I’d add: taking a friendship for granted is a sure way to lose it.
I try and live my the phrase my mother always said – you know a good friend when you feel better / are happier after hanging out with them then you were before!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
I think that article hit the nail on the head with #1– people change. And they don’t ever do it at the same pace as their friends. While it’s fun to go out and party when you’re in your early twenties, it’s not so fun in your late 20s. People get to that place at different speeds. Not to mention when you get into a serious relationship or get married, your lifestyle changes. Your single girlfriends’ lives don’t. It’s just a natural drift. If you can find someone who will stick with you through these mutual changes, you’re pretty lucky.
That is kinda part of my new years resolution on really evaluating if I want to continue in certain relationship. As you get older relationships are tougher esp when we move around so much. That’s why i love blogging is finding real friendship no matter the location. But even finding blogging friends is hard to find too.
I’ve had a number of friendships disappear in 2013 but I also got a couple new ones and man are they amazing. You’re 20’s are hard, and graduating university makes it even harder. But knowing who your real friends are makes all the difference!
xx
Couldn’t agree more! It’s sad how it happens, but it also makes you appreciate your true friends!
Friends come and go and the ones that stick around are the ones who are in it for the long haul. I’ve had friendships fall apart, the most recent one, and one I’ll never forget, was with my “friend” who was a bridesmaid in my wedding and the planning of everything for me, not her as she wasn’t engaged yet, got to her and she literally ruined that shine time for me in the planning process and we cut ties a few months before the wedding that she ended up not being in.
It seems that friendships deteriorate because of weddings, babies and relationships the most. Life is rough, friends should be there no matter what if they truly are your friend.
PS – So be careful with whom you guys have picked for your wedding party. If you’d like to know the story, just ask. Its actually got a great ending to it but it was a hard year of when it happened.
True. The partying situation happened to me too! It just wasn’t for me. But it happened to show that we weren’t really meant to be friends. However, I have three friends who I’ve had since high school, one of those being from kindergarten. I hope we can all get through the baby thing, but if they stick by you through all that, I think it’s pretty solid.
I also truly believe that people come and go in and out of your life for a reason. You may have needed them at the moment, but not forever. And then you have the friends you are meant to have forever, who are actually more like family.
Great post!
I’m in my early… er, mid-twenties, and I feel like the older you get the more you realize how fluid friendships can be and how quality truly does take precedence over quantity. I would much rather nurture the friendships I have with people I may not see often but who are supportive and good over people I see every day but constantly bring me down.
I’m in my early 30s and am still experiencing this. It’s hard. People just grow apart and sometime you have to let some go because it’s not good and true anymore. I’ve learned lessons from all my friendships and that’s important. I’m happy to be able to count my nearest and dearest on one hand. Great post!
Preach! Love this girl. And miss youuuu
I still struggle so much with this! I invest into friendships, and then they just move on and leave me, sometimes in very unpleasant circumstances. I’m pretty gun shy these days; hard to trust people when they keep screwing you over. Your approach to friendships seems very balanced and sensible, I’ll keep working on it!
I think this is one of the hardest things about being a “grown up”. It is hard to accept that friendships may end…especially when the cause is unknown. Sometimes it isn’t a fight, or difference in lifestyle, or anything you can name. It just happens. Then you’re left wondering, “What the hell happenend?” But one thing it does is make you really appreciate the friends that you hold close to your heart! Great thoughts Neely! And also, since I haven’t commented yet, Congratulations!! I look forward to hearing about your wedding plans! 🙂
This is sad but so true. I feel like a lot of the time I put more into friendships than they do and then I just get tired of trying because it’s too hard to have a one sided friendship.
This really hit home. I had my first fall out with a friend when i was 20 and it hit hard. Out of the sky. Then about 4 years ago i made my opinion of a crappy bf and my friend ditched me on my birthday to hang out with him and LIED. Lets say it didnt end up all at all. But luckily we patched it up last year and this year he told her that he no longer wanted to be with her because she was too ambitious WHAT!!!! AKA hes a crappy person. Friends are very hard to come by. Thanks for sharing !