I’ve written posts on friendships and on girlfriends before: you can find them here and here.
I have been thinking a lot lately about my friendships I have especially with my close girlfriends and also how hard it is as an adult to make new genuine friends. My best friend Michele and I have talked about this more times than I can count.
My mom gave me advice when I was little I still think of all the time “if you have 2 friends you can always count on you are lucky.” Well I absolutely have 4 friends I can always count on. One is a friend I have had since 8th grade. One is a friend I met through other friends at a house party where we were the lame ones who got there first. One is a friend I met through blogging you may know her (hey Ash!) and the other I also met through blogging although for some reason thats never the first thing that comes to mind(hey Ally!).
These four people are always there for me, even if with some of them we don’t talk on the phone for months, or see each other cause they live far away its like no time has lapsed when I see or talk to them.
I also talk to two of these people every single day on the phone and they are the first ones I call when something good, bad or ugly happens.
I made a friend recently through Instagram of all places. This past weekend we and our guys went out on a double date and it was so fun to have a genuine connection with another girlfriend! I think the reason this becomes so hard as we get older is 1. we aren’t forced in school with people all day everyday where you are bound to make friends. 2. I think it’s because we are set in our ways. We don’t put the effort into new friendships because it takes time. I know that sounds bad but as we get married, have kids, get settled into lives we become so routine and our friendships get neglected. Especially new friendships.
One of my biggest things with friends is when you can’t count on them. This is a non negotiable for me. If I can’t count on you, if you flake all the time, don’t return calls and texts, and generally fall off the planet for a week or month at a time you are not someone I need or want in my life.
All of our time is so precious why would we waste it on people who don’t put the effort in with us?
Going with the above I also hate when you KNOW someone is going to flake. Then they do and you aren’t surprised. It yields a feeling that I almost can’t describe. You feel defeated.
With my wedding coming up in a few months I am so thankful for the people in my life that are there for me and vise versa.
I have said goodbye to friends over the past 5 years that I do not miss because as much fun as I may have had with them at some point I realize not everyone is meant to be in your life forever and some people do not change and grow as they get older. They stay in spot and you go to a different spot.
What are your thoughts on girlfriends?
I too believe good girlfriends are essential. We get together for lunches, brunches, coffee, wine & nibbles, (there seems to be a food theme here) or even going to a weeknight movie where we leave the kids with their dads and have popcorn and Cokes for supper. I adore my girlfriends. So pleased that you have good friends in your life as well. 🙂
Definitely important to have girlfriends you can count on. I would definitely prefer a core few that I can trust than a bunch of acquaintances. Friends definitely can be cyclical… it’s sometimes hard when you grow in different directions.
Oh so true!!!!! I only have 1-2 geniune friends.. One more so than the other.. We have been friends since elementary school! We can go months wo talking and then pick up the phone as if we never stopped talking! I would do anything for her as she would. I can’t stand the friends that flake or having friends but only one friend (me) puts all the effort in it. It is sad when you realize that a friend was not a true friend in their eyes…
I’ve found that you start to have these thoughts and deep convos with yourself when you’re planning your wedding. You realize who is totally there for you, and then you also see the people who are all about themselves, and don’t really care about you. Or the ones who put in the bare minimum effort and think that that’s good. You’ll probably continue to learn a lot more about people as you go through the planning process. I had several “revelations” throughout mine…one of which even happened the week of my wedding. Definitely be glad for the ones you can rely on and don’t be afraid to cut ties with the ones who aren’t there for you. If they can’t be there for the happiest day of your life, they definitely wont be there for the hardest.
Making friends as you get older does get harder, but I think it is worth the effort! I’ve found that I’ve become closer to my siblings as I get older, too. 🙂
I am so very blessed to have some fabulous women as friends in my life. Some l talk to everyday, some I have not seen in years. But I know without a doubt all would surround me if I needed them. As you repair prepare for your wedding I recall the one wedding advise I remember my mother giving my brothers was this, be sure your wife to be has lots of girlfriends. Because a truly good woman will attract good women around her. Congratulations to Andrew for finding himself a good woman!
I love this post. I still have friends from high school (heck, you know all of them!) and college that I can still count on, but as the years have passed, some of the girls from our core group have moved on – and I am ok with that. Mike and I have discussed how hard it is to make “couple” friends, and we are now wondering if that will happen as a result of having kids…
I love that quote! I’m one of those that feels like they don’t really have any friends. I up and moved to a new town in a new state and I just feel like I don’t have anyone. It’s sad. But I moved a lot as a child and I don’t talk to any of my childhood friends since I moved so often.