This October marks 9 years since Andrew and I got married. I don’t feel like I am an expert but I do feel like we have a really great, and happy marriage. We’ve had our fights, our rough patches, and our share of tough times, but marriage is all about learning and growing together. Marriage has also taught me many things and I want to share 9 things marriage has taught me today.
9 Things Marriage Has Taught Me
Always kiss goodnight: Even if you’re exhausted, or mad at each other make sure you kiss goodnight. I feel as if it softens even the craziest arguments.
Never go to bed or leave the house angry: When we were first married I was so bad about storming out and wanting Andrew to follow behind. I learned quickly, that was NOT his personality. So now when we are angry or upset with each other we don’t go to bed that way or leave the house. We talk it through.
Don’t run from problems/fight fair: Again don’t run away when things get hard and always fight fair. This means no tally-keeping. None of the “well you did X so I did Y.” Take responsibility for your part in a situation and don’t keep score. Don’t give low blows. This website, book, etc are wonderful.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help: I mean from a professional. Everyone should be required to do marriage counseling in my opinion and if everyone did I think we would have a lot fewer divorces.
Always put your marriage first: Even before your kids. Your kids should see you happy and loving each other and if you don’t put each other first things will be very lonely when kids grow up. Also, put your marriage first before EVERYTHING else. Marriage always has to come first.
Date each other: Get dressed up, and go to dinner. Pay for the babysitter or ask a grandparent/friend. Go for a walk alone. Just never stop dating.
Don’t let the romance fade: Leave each other little notes on post-its, hold hands, and grab your honey’s behind every now and then. Trust me you’ve got to keep the romance alive!
Be silly together as often as you can: I am usually the instigator of being silly. I am the one to turn on music in the kitchen while we clean up, or just make jokes. Laughing together is just the best and always takes the edge off of arguments or tough times too.
Make vacations a priority: They don’t have to be crazy out-of-the-country vacations, but a weekend away even is important. We try to do one trip together a year and a few one night aways at local hotels when we can. It’s a good way to reset and just have uninterrupted time together.
If you are married or in a long-term relationship do you agree with these things? Anything else you’d add to the list?
Being married has many challenges. I am married for 30 years with the same woman and I never regretted it. There are problems and struggles that both of us have to solve. At the end of the day, I am proud to be a good husband (not perfect) with the perfect and beautiful wife.
Among the bits of advice, I like the one about putting the marriage first, ahead of the kids. Most people I know don’t do that. They put the kids ahead of their spouse, which isn’t good!
These are great tips! As an extrovert, married to an introvert, I’ve learned that giving someone their space is HUGE. Taking care of your mental health and allowing your partner the same has been very important for us.
Being married has its share of struggles and challenges. I think the best thing for the marriage to work is open communicaion. It works for us and I am sure it will to you too.
I think dating each other is so important to remember. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you stop having fun together.
Marriage is work. I think too many people forget that. You have to put in the time and effort to maintain a relationship even after you’re married.
Well, we don’t do a number of these things. I think every relationship is different and so we can’t really go by a specific list.
I think another suggestion: Give each other some space – “me” time so that person can just be him/herself.
It is very nice to read how you made your experience available to share such important things!
Being married has many challenges. I am married for 30 years with the same woman and I never regretted it. There are problems and struggles that both of us have to solve. At the end of the day, I am proud to be a good husband (not perfect) with the perfect and beautiful wife.
Well, I’ll add only one here….tell your partner the truth as much as possible or as it arises! There’s really no need to lie, to be honest!
Great list! Well, I’ve had the same set of realizations when I got married, so your list is completely relatable to me.
Among the bits of advice, I like the one about putting the marriage first, ahead of the kids. Most people I know don’t do that. They put the kids ahead of their spouse, which isn’t good!
These are great tips! As an extrovert, married to an introvert, I’ve learned that giving someone their space is HUGE. Taking care of your mental health and allowing your partner the same has been very important for us.
Those are some great points to keep in mind and important to know as well. Thanks for sharing this with us.
I am not married but hopefully it happens one day. These are great things to know, married or not.
I love being silly together. It always makes it so much easier to have family time.
Being married has its share of struggles and challenges. I think the best thing for the marriage to work is open communicaion. It works for us and I am sure it will to you too.
I absolutely love your post. Although I am not married, I hope I have a similar relationship where we both will follow the principle 🙂