6.23.15 19

A Confession

I have talked many times on the blog about my struggle with my body. I have never felt comfortable in my body and I have never been OK with the way it looks. I have small boobs and huge hips. I have a butt. I have tons of curves and they are completely not proportionate with the rest of my body. When I gain weight I gain weight in my stomach, hips and butt.

I know a lot of women put weight on after their weddings. “Happy pounds” I have heard them called. I knew about this way before we got married. Before our wedding I lost a ton of weight. Some on purpose some not on purpose. I was at my tiniest on our wedding day weighing in at 117 lbs. My dress had to be held up by A LOT of double stick tape because it fit perfectly at my final dress fitting 2 weeks before. I usually average around 125-130. I am five foot seven so this is completely in line with my BMI. On our honeymoon in Hawaii I finally felt like I could eat again and the weight wouldn’t drop because of stress. So I ate and ate and ate without caring about working out.

Wedding

Then the holidays came and things like monkey bread, pastries etc just looked so good. I also wasn’t as strict about working out. Back in March I got back into pure barre during the 20 in 31 challenge and thankfully I have kept up with going at least 3 times a week since then. But when we moved in April my eating habits tanked. I no longer was making green smoothies everyday. I was eating 3 meals a day out because we were back and forth working on the new house. I was eating horribly and not exercising and generally felt terrible. I hate that sluggish feeling after you stop eating healthy and working out. The lack of energy is awful.

I broke down over the weekend to Andrew. I hated the way I looked in pictures and just didn’t want to take pictures. I wasn’t taking pride in my appearance either. Summer of 2010 I completely changed the way I ate. I stopped eating processed foods, fast food, and really logged what I ate. I also exercised 6-7 days a week. Even before the wedding Andrew and I were going for walks almost every night after dinner.

So I am putting this on the blog because I want to be held accountable. I am going back to my old ways starting yesterday.

These are the goals I have for myself:

1. Eat nothing processed

2. Green smoothies/juices daily

3. More veggies, less carbs

4. More lean proteins

5. 5-6 solid workouts a week

6. Nightly walks/bike rides after dinner

7. Feeling confident in my body

 

I know it won’t be easy, nothing worthwhile ever is.

I hope everyone has a good day!

Leave a Comment

19 Comments

  1. Thanks for being open. I gained “happy weight”, then baby weight, then lost it, and gained “Eating lots of muffins” weight. Thanks for inspiring me to get back on it.

    Published 6.23.15
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  2. You. Are. Not. Alone. I’ve struggled with weight my entire life and always joked that even standing at six-foot, according to that BMI chart, I’m too short. Funny, ha ha, but not really. I got serious about my health two years ago when I discovered I was pregnant (SURPRISE!) when I also found out I had gallstones. My doctors threatened surgery while pregnant if I didn’t wholeheartedly commit to a major lifestyle change, including exercise and diet. I lost 45lbs while pregnant, not bad for a fat girl, and delivered a happy and healthy baby boy. Even though I nursed and produced breast milk like a grand champion cow, breastfeeding is NOT the magical cure-all for post-partum weight loss. I exclusively pumped for 14 months, fed our “Chunky Monkey,” and donated more than 28 GALLONS to the Mother’s Milk Bank of North Texas to feed sick and premature NICU babies. I kept up with the strict diet and went to the gym several days a week but I wasn’t seeing results. My biggest culprit has always been emotional eating and portion control – I eat whether I’m mad, sad, or glad. Two months ago, I finally reached the point of being sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I kicked my trips to the gym up a notch and started watching what I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat. On June 1, I also started my very first blog series called, “30 Days of Manna,” where I am sharing my VERY personal story and struggles with food and weight and connecting them to Scripture passages. The Bibles mentions the word FOOD 365 times, the irony is not lost on me! Though I’ve had slip-ups and bad days, I’ve lost 7.2lbs and I can tell a difference in how my clothes fit. I’m no where near my goal but I’m closer today (June 23) than I was yesterday, last week, or even last month.

    I’m sorry this is so long, but I wanted you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Two of the strongest words anyone can tell someone who’s struggling are ME TOO. So, Neely, I’m telling you “me too.” It’s hard to look in the mirror, whether you are super thin or morbidly obese, we all have struggles and issues and weaknesses but, with a desire to improve ourselves and a supportive TRIBE of loving friends and family, we can make healthy changes.

    You have inspired me to tighten the reins on my food choices by eating wholesome “real” food and increasing my time at the gym. I’m so thankful there is a wonderful children’s center at my gym or this train would have derailed a long time ago, I get too distracted at home to really work out so I really NEED to get out of the house and go someplace.

    You are not alone, my friend.
    XO,
    Nicole
    https://nicoleandkevin.wordpress.com/?s=30+days+of+manna

    Published 6.23.15
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  3. Kate wrote:

    To echo Nicole above, me too. Grad school this last year had me up and down on the eating and exercise habits. I’m getting back to it, too, and I find that finding others to help hold me accountable for sticking to it is a huge factor. We can do it!

    Published 6.23.15
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  4. Alicia wrote:

    I have steadily put on weight the past few years and no matter what I do nothing helps! Thanks PCOS! It all goes to my stomach and fave so people constantly ask me when I’m due which hurts and pisses me off.

    Published 6.23.15
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  5. Lexie wrote:

    I was as tiny as you are all my life then became ill. At 5 3 every ounce shows and now I am 150 . I am to ill to do anything but walking. No amount of healthy eating takes the weight off and I have it parked on my belly and hips which are now gross. I get ridiculed in public , other women are cruel to me and forget dating. My health and condition only allows for walking which I do an hour every day. I eat no sugar. Vegetarian organic small portion low carbs only. People look at me like I am a overeater. Once you cannot do cardio the weight creeps on fast. I think your smart to be careful . But you look great and super thin to me. Be careful about your body Image.

    Published 6.23.15
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  6. Wow – I appreciate your open and honest attitude. I think you have set some really great goals. Best of luck in your journey!

    Published 6.23.15
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  7. Patti wrote:

    Back to healthy living is always a great idea. Good luck with your goals.

    Published 6.23.15
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  8. Very Erin wrote:

    I totally understand this! In the 4 years I’ve known my husband, I’ve definitely put on some weight. I didn’t lose weight for the wedding, but I have been making strides to do so now that the wedding has passed.

    Published 6.23.15
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  9. Jenny wrote:

    I have always been unhappy with my body as well. I was around the same weight as you on my wedding day, and now almost 4 years later I’ve packed on nearly 30 pounds. I guess that’s my “happy” weight. I’m 5’6″ so I guess it still fits in my BMI. I’ve been a pescetarian for 2 years now, and eat as healthy as I possibly can, while still allowing myself to indulge every once in a while. I also drink 10-12 cups of water per day… I drink SO MUCH water. I don’t vigorously exercise because of my stupid spine (I had spine surgery with 2 steel rods each 1′ long screwed into my spine), but I do make sure to walk briskly for at least 20 min each day, and lift weights. Even doing all of this, I cannot lose weight. I am stuck right around 138 lbs., and it is all in my stomach, thighs and hips (Because my spine is fused together with the dumb rods, I haven’t been able to bend my back for nearly 10 years, so I haven’t done one crunch or abdominal exercise that stimulates my abs since then). It’s very disappointing… but I’m starting to realize that as I get older I am not going to be as skinny as I once was, and so easily at that, too. When I got married I never worked out, ate whatever I wanted and drank whatever I wanted without a care in the world. Now that I’m almost 30 I find that my metabolism has slowed down and honestly almost quit altogether. What’s a girl to do? I’m tired of feeling badly about how my body looks. My husband loves my body, and I’ve decided this year to learn how to love my body as well. Small boobs and huge hips, get outta my way. I’m going to be happy. I hope you find peace with your body as well!
    xx
    Jenny // Mish Mosh Makeup

    Published 6.23.15
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    • Lexie wrote:

      Jenny I feel your pain, I have a broken neck, with multiple related health issues so I cannot go to a gym or do cardio at all. I never dreamed at a young age that I would never be able to do cardio or go to a exercise class again in my life! Slowly the weight went on around the middle . I was always a size 6 and now am a 12. I can only walk carefully which I do for an hour every day no matter how much pain I am in. Does not help with the weight. I eat right, organic vegetarian, count carbs, no sugar and still its all parked on my belly and hips. its embarrassing and I hate it to. So hard to lose ! Your not alone!!!! I can relate.

      Published 6.23.15
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  10. Gianna wrote:

    I am totally in the same boat. Even my Dr. said every woman she knows gains after her wedding. It was basically like the honeymoon was the start of food fest and I haven’t been able to gain control again.

    Published 6.23.15
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  11. Lindsey wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. I know how you feel. I struggle with the fact I have no boobs and my face tends to break out. It makes me feel uncomfortable in my skin as well. It is something I am trying to work on. But like you I have stopped taking pride in my appearance. I have never been one to wear a lot of makeup but I am at a point now when I can’t even remember when I wore at least mascara and powder to work. I need to start eating better and working out too. I would love to see some of your green smoothie recipes or just healthy recipes! I have been a long time reader of this blog and what you to know that you are beautiful inside and out!

    Published 6.23.15
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  12. Christina wrote:

    When I found out I had lipedema I had to deal with the emotional aspect of my body shape because diet and exercise would not change it. I had to stop looking at the scale and a number that someone somewhere says I should be and focus on my health – blood work, how my clothes fit, how I feel. I want to encourage you today to focus on your health, do what makes you feel good, and love your body not for how it looks but for what it does for you.

    Published 6.23.15
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  13. Connie wrote:

    Hi Neely!
    I completely get you, and believe we all have similar struggles with our eating and exercise. I appreciate your honesty, too! Have you ever heard of Juice Plus? It’s a cool way to get 30 fruits and vegetables in your body everyday, and I’ve found it to be really beneficial to achieve your health and wellness goals! I love reading your blog, and look forward to your posts!
    Connie

    Published 6.23.15
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  14. Sarah wrote:

    I love how honest and raw you are about your weight troubles, and I can completely relate. I seem to yo-yo in my fitness journey, and it takes me getting sick and feeling awful from eating so much crap to finally break down and want to change it all.

    Hang in there, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you break now and then; we are only human! I would love to follow you on your fitness journey. I think what you did by putting it here to hold yourself accountable is brilliant, as that’s the only way I ever seem to stick with things is by knowing others are waiting to see that “after” photo.

    Good luck, Neely! 🙂

    Published 6.23.15
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  15. caitlin wrote:

    Thank you for being open about your struggles! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my eating habits/exercising – life sometimes gets in the way, but we always have the opportunity to change it! You go girl 🙂

    Published 6.23.15
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  16. I strongly believe your #7 needs to be #1. As women, we NEED to love our bodies FIRST! That is always the hardest for us. We take care of things we love though, right?! So loving is always the first step but so often missed by women. Restriction can lead to shame/guilt/cravings/binges so focusing on what to get rid of often has a negative effect. Focus on the LOVE and the positive additions that will keep you happy and healthy!!! You got this, friend!!!! 🙂

    Published 6.24.15
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  17. I find that the nightly walks after dinner really help me because I feel like I did some kind of exercise and then I don’t crave sweets like I normally would. Also, great job on cutting out processed food. It is hard but well worth it. <3 Christine, The Choosy Mommy, http://www.choosykids.blogspot.com

    Published 6.24.15
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  18. i have gained a lot of weight since I have been married. I hate taking pictures and going out. I am started to work out more but I wish it was going better.

    Published 6.27.15
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