1.25.18 22

Finding Time For Yourself As A Mom

When I became a mom about a year ago I distinctly remember proactively trying to not lose myself in it. I didn’t want to just be a mom, just be a wife, or just be a blogger. I feel like I am so many things and I didn’t want to lose them. A big part of that is finding time for myself as a mom and for you moms, finding time for yourself as a mom. I mentioned here my word for 2018 is balance. I have never done a word of the year before and I am so glad I chose this word as it’s exactly what my body, mind, and soul have been craving. Finding time for myself is a huge part of that. Finding a balance in work, life, being a wife and mom, a friend, a daughter, etc.

Finding Time For Yourself As A Mom

I think the hardest part about finding time for yourself as a mom is the guilt. Mom guilt is real. It happens to us all. I can spend all day with Liam but if I leave to go to an event or even if Andrew and I go on a date after Liam is asleep (we always put him to bed) I still feel guilt. I have to sometimes just force myself to go even if I don’t want to. I have the list of what could happen’s running through my head and it’s hard to enjoy a glass of wine with my husband without feeling like my baby needs me. Sure, checking the camera, seeing he’s asleep and has zero clue we aren’t downstairs helps. It also helps to have family and people close by that we trust to stay with him. But I still feel guilt. I feel the same guilt if I leave to go get a manicure, go to the gym, run errands, have a phone call, let Andrew watch him so I can get work done, etc. I shouldn’t but I do. Know that if you feel this way you are not alone.

Now that we have talked about the guilt lets talk about what I do to carve out that time and how I am trying to strive for more balance.

  • I schedule it in. Yes I make manicure appointments and schedule a babysitter or have Andrew home on a weekend. I schedule a barre class, or to go the the gym. I put them in our calendar so we know. I schedule dinner or brunch with girlfriends. If I don’t schedule it, it isn’t happening.
  • I commit to it. Working out is a huge part of what I need for myself each day. It is something that makes me feel like me. I love it. I love the feeling I get after. So it’s important to me to carve out that time. That time is usually during a nap, before Liam wakes up, or if our sitter or Andrew are home. Or I will take him to my mom’s and she watches him. No matter what, I make it happen. I commit to that one thing every day no matter what. That is my guaranteed time for myself.
  • I get up early. Yep I am up at least an hour before Liam if not more. Lately I have been using this time to meditate, do 10-20 minutes of yoga, return emails, and eat breakfast.
  • I am finding time to journal. Not blog but journal. This has been immensely helpful for my stress and anxiety.
  • I am unplugging more. I am not someone who can turn off work. Since I do not have a traditional 9-5 job it’s hard to put down the computer. Case and point I am writing this sentence at 7:40 on a Wednesday night (a week before it goes live). Liam is asleep, Andrew is at the grocery store because we need blueberries (#reallife) and I am writing this post because it’s on my mind and heart. But, on weekends I have been trying to NOT be on my computer a ton. At least not nearly as much. If I have free time during a nap I try to read or do something like a face mask or clean up around the house etc.
  • I ask for it. Not that I need permission but I tell Andrew that I need help, I tell him I need a day for me, or a few hours for me. I ask him when we can do that. We always find the time. He knows he can do the same. As moms it can be SO easy for us to do everything for everyone and put ourselves last. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to fill yours up first!

The day I am writing this I told Andrew I felt like today I failed at everything. I felt rushed all day running errands because once you’re late to one thing the whole day is off. I felt rushed to shower before Liam woke up from his nap so I didn’t wash my hair (another day of dry shampoo). I felt like a crap wife for not having laundry put away or toys cleaned up. I felt like I failed at my job because I hadn’t gotten done 3 things on my to do list yet. I just felt like I failed every which way. It’s OK to feel like this sometimes. We all are going to. But this is precisely why we have to find time for ourselves. My cup felt empty and I had nothing left to pour for anyone else.

I wanted to share these things because I feel like it’s something that all women deal with as they become first time moms and even women who aren’t moms. We take on a lot and we have to find time for ourselves.

I would love to know if you can relate to any of these struggles? Do you feel like your cup is every just empty? What do you do to find time for yourself as a mom?

Leave a Comment

22 Comments

  1. I feel like I hardly have time for myself and I’m not even a mother! I think it’s great that you schedule your alone time in, and then commit to it. Me-time is so important! 🙂

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
    http://charmainenyw.com

    Published 1.25.18
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  2. Sara wrote:

    I’m not a mom, but I feel this overall in my life. The not being able to turn work off is problematic. I need to get to a good place mentally where I am comfortable doing this. I’ve also tried to be proactive to schedule self-care appointments this year instead of being reactive. As you said, it’s a balancing act… and I’m with you on the idea of balance for 2018.

    Published 1.25.18
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  3. Lauren wrote:

    Getting up early and going to be early are really the best ways for me to get time to myself. I read at night which is something I really enjoy and get some morning time to reflect, journal and workout. It is so important!

    Published 1.25.18
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  4. Great post! I’m not a mom, but like you said, this is something that even non-moms can relate to because women in general tend to focus so much on others. That’s great you make time every day to exercise. I really need to get into some sort of routine or at least a habit of moving more!

    -Lauren

    Published 1.25.18
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  5. Brittney wrote:

    This is so important! I love my “me” time. I actually get up before my little one wakes up and hit the gym. That is my time to just mellow out and get myself together for the rest of the day. Thanks for sharing!

    Published 1.25.18
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  6. Marcie W. wrote:

    Excellent suggestions! Making time for ourselves is not only important, it is necessary! The gym is where I go to escape and a good workout does wonders for my mental health.

    Published 1.25.18
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  7. I am not a Mom, but I feel guilty when I leave Layla my dog for a couple of hours to run do errands or whatever and during that time I sometimes try to have me time but the guilt takes over. So I understand you fully. I try in the mornings to have my coffee before she wakes up for her walk so even if it is 10 minutes I say phew I had that. It is not easy juggling it all especially as I am alone and work at home and out of the home. BUT weekends are my slow routine days, I will as I say kill myself during the week to make sure all is done so that on the weekend I can be as slow as I want. When you say guilty I giggled as I always say I blame it on my religion the Jewish Guilt LOL

    Published 1.25.18
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  8. Thanks for this post. I like the idea of scheduling it in. Doing things for me is really hard for me. I keep thinking of all my to-do items and me time gets swept under the rug.

    Published 1.25.18
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  9. Lyndsey wrote:

    goodness I love this!! You have to schedule it for yourself!

    Published 1.25.18
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  10. Balance is very, very important in life so choosing that word for this year was a great start! I’ve been choosing a word for several years, myself. Or, rather, I think it chooses me! 🙂

    Published 1.25.18
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  11. lola wrote:

    I can totally relate, before becomign a mom i had my time to myself and hubby, but now i feel like i am scramblign to get things done. I usually have to plan my personal things for times when she is in daycare and i am off work if not they wont happen lol

    Published 1.25.18
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  12. Christina wrote:

    I’m not a mom yet but I imagine it can be a challenge to find some me time. These are great tips.

    Published 1.25.18
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  13. Crystal wrote:

    I find that getting up early is the best time of day for me to either hustle and get things done, or take a few minutes to myself. But I would love to implement a few more strategies to squeeze in some more me time.

    Published 1.25.18
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  14. Carmela wrote:

    I also don’t have a lot of time for myself as a mom of 4 kids under 6 years old, but your tips are very helpful! Don’t worry about not having toys cleaned up and laundry done all the time…your husband and kids want more than anything a happy wife and mom, I can promise you! They would much rather have you happy, relaxed, and able to enjoy yourself than a perfect house 🙂 That’s what keeps me sane, telling myself that anyway 🙂

    Published 1.25.18
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  15. Finding time for yourself as a mom can be so challenging and you are right mom guilt is totally a thing. However once you realize the damage it does not only to you but your family if you don’t take time for yourself then you realize it is a priority. I try to find time each evening to read a little and journal a little. It may not be much but right now it is what it is.

    Published 1.26.18
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  16. Brandy wrote:

    To be honest, I haven’t scheduled time for just me in so long. Basically, since the relationship I am in, it takes everything out of me for attention/focus. So between the relationship, kids and having to support the household, me time became non existent, BUT with that being said – my positive is that as of November this past year, I made a decision to start making time for myself because I need it to be a positive version of ME for everyone else 😉

    Published 1.26.18
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  17. Dana wrote:

    I am actually getting a little time right now while my kids are with grandma! The house is so quiet, it’s distracting!

    Published 1.26.18
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  18. Vy wrote:

    So necessary to find ways to carve out some time to help us stay balanced. Those are great suggestions.

    Published 1.27.18
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  19. Annemarie LeBlanc wrote:

    I wake up an hour or two earlier than everyone else. This gives me time to enjoy my coffee in a relaxed way. I savor the quiet time this gives me. It is very rejuvenating for me to sit facing the window and watch the sunrise.

    Published 1.27.18
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  20. It is so important to take some time for yourself. I’m glad you’re finding balance in 2018.

    Published 1.27.18
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  21. Hope wrote:

    I used to be a morning person before I had kids… then after my first born started sleeping through. Now with new bub I’m back to ‘argh is it morning again?’ Lol

    Published 1.28.18
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  22. Gmail QA wrote:

    Thank you for sharing the post. I’m a mother of a kitten 🙂 and I do feel guilt when I spend time for myself although I knew he could take care of himself very well. Everyday in my life in a rush and I also feel I fail at everything. I keep telling myself tomorrow will be different and I fail at the same track. Thank you for sharing the post and the advice, it’s very helpful for me.
    http://gmailqa.com/

    Published 1.30.18
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