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The Things I Don’t Tell You

Life · May 15, 2018

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I have a hard time opening myself up on the blog. I feel like whenever I have in the past I get a really great response but then there are the judgemental comments that make me retreat. Today I am trying something new. I have seen posts like this on a few blogs so here goes…

Things I Don’t Tell You

I don’t tell you…

That I suffered (suffer) from very bad postpartum anxiety and depression. Not the extent I have seen with some people but I had a really hard time leaving the house alone with Liam for months. Everything scared me and my sleep suffered a lot. I finally had to see a doctor and get on some medication, and while it has helped, I still have really bad days where I just want to retreat inward. It’s getting better but it can be a struggle.

Working from home is really hard sometimes. I crave interactions with people and I feel really lonely some days. I love my little boy more than anything, but lets face it he’s not a huge conversationalist.

People have asked why I never show Liam’s face on my blog or social media, and I am here to tell you why. He hasn’t given me permission. When he is 10, or 12, or 20 I don’t want him to be upset that I shared personal photos of him for the world to see. So we made a decision when I was pregnant that his privacy is our number one priority, and for that reason I will never be sharing photos where you can see his face. I have received many nasty comments about this which only make me feel that much better about my decision. I have no issue with others sharing their children as I think everyone has to make that decision for themselves. This is just the one we have chosen.

I don’t know if I want another baby. Being pregnant was really hard. I really didn’t love it. I am grateful for science and IVF and that we have Liam, but do I want to do all the shots again? Do I want to gain the weight again? I don’t know. Plus, well babies are expensive and that’s a huge consideration. I think ultimately we will but are you ever sure?

I will try to be more open on this blog. I will try to share more of my personal struggles, triumphs, and thoughts. But please respect me not sharing those of my husband and little boy.

What is one thing you don’t share with people a lot?

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  • 40 thoughts on “The Things I Don’t Tell You

    1. ShootingStarsMag

      I assumed not showing Liam’s face was due to privacy, and I totally get that. It’s ultimately up to the parents but sometimes I see parents showing a little TOO much and I wonder what the kids will think when they are older (and by too much, I mean the photos, not necessarily the stories, etc.) Thanks for sharing about your struggles. I do appreciate these type of posts, but I know it’s tough to be open online sometimes…and it’s something I want to work on too. I’ve shared this a bit, but I also suffer from anxiety and depression and while I’m doing better than I used to, it’s not necessarily something that will ever go away.

      lauren

      Reply
    2. Jessica @ Books Bees and ABCs

      I love that you’ve opened up – this experience is shared with so many, myself included. I am a highly anxious person that uses a full schedule to keep me distracted. A fine line of overwhelm occurs which ends in sleepless nights and stress (most of which I place on myself) so it’s a regular balancing act for me to find my zone. Thank you so much for sharing your journey!

      Reply
    3. Kelsey

      Thanks for being so vulnerable! I know how hard it is to share things like that on the internet. Reading posts like this help me to be more brave~

      Reply
    4. Sam

      Thank you for sharing that! I suffered with that as well and it felt so isolating. You’re not alone and I promise it gets better. Keep doing what you’re doing! 🙂

      Reply
    5. Genesis Alvarez

      I’m sorry you’ve been struggling, and I totally agree with you. Kids and social media create too much pressure

      Reply
    6. Jenny

      Thanks for sharing this! I, too, struggle with getting too personal on my blog. I even read some of my posts out loud to my daughter if they reference her at all to make sure she is ok with it. I’ve had to skip certain topics because my kids didn’t want me sharing that about them. That’s ok. They are more important than the blog. 🙂 Keep doing what you are doing. Your son will appreciate it in the future.

      Reply
    7. Rachel Wright

      Neely
      I can honestly respect your decision not to show Liam on the blog as well as why you became quiet for a while. I honestly understand whole heartedly. I became silent for a time due to the same reasons, the people who come onto the blog wanting to get up in your business and tell you what they think you do is wrong. I just started writing again myself and now I am primarily doing it for me. It’s for my recovery and healing at this time in my life.
      Please keep writing and sharing your heart with us, those of us who care about you will lift you up and hold you up. The others well what they say or do is on them, it’s their problem not yours.
      I hope that helps.

      Reply
    8. Gingermommy

      I do not share my children’s names or faces on my blog or social media. I know so many who did and they had their kids angry with them when older. Not to mention the creepers online

      Reply
    9. Krysten

      Pregnancy scares the bejesus out of me, which is why I prefer furkids to human kids. Anyone who has ever been pregnant has my total respect, it just seems to be something that can change not just your body but mind as well.

      Reply
    10. Laura

      I completely agree on the “he hasn’t given me permission” piece. I wrote a whole post about why we don’t share photos of Mini-Me on my site, too, and it’s hard when we’re in a very public field! People want to know us and our families, but when we value privacy — especially that of our child(ren) — it can make it tricky to navigate at times. Glad to know there’s another “no-show” mama out there! 🙂

      Reply
    11. Stephanie Stebbins

      I absolutely know what you mean about feeling judged when you put yourself out there, sometimes. I don’t tell people a lot of things and friends are often surprised when they find out I have been struggling with something because I generally try to be positive. Sometimes, though, I want to scream what’s bothering me from the rooftops, lol. I like this, I might try on my blog as well. I’m gonna borrow some of your courage 😉

      Reply
    12. Marcie W.

      Kudos to you! Opening up like this takes so much strength and that is admirable for sure. Despite being active on social media, there is a lot I do not share and I value that small bit of privacy.

      Reply
    13. Tiffanie

      Thank you so much for opening up. I truly appreciated your transparency in this post. I too suffered from PPD and really respect your decision to not show your sons face on social media till he learns consent

      Reply
    14. Dominique Brooks

      It’s fine to not want another baby. It’s fine not to show your child’s face. I haven’t put either of my kids on my blog — for that matter, there are few pictures of me on the blog. I think that part will change — me getting on the blog — but whatever you decide is cool!

      Reply
    15. Wendy

      Neely,
      I really love your blog, and have followed it for a couple of years now. I also had postpartum depression after my 4th child, and I promise you it does get better. I totally respect your keeping your husband and Liam’s photos private. That is your decision, and I think you have made a wise choice. I have gotten a lot of great ideas and inspiration from your blog. Thank you!

      Reply
    16. Scott

      I share some personal things on our blog, but nothing quite like you just did. We’ve talked about difficulties getting pregnant and what we went through, but that’s about the limit of our openness!

      Reply
    17. Nina

      I love your honesty. I hope you’re doing well now. You’re not alone. I struggled with Depression too but I never shared how terrifyingly dark it was. Only God knows how hard it is. Only God can understand and that’s more than enough for me 😃 I know with God on our side our struggles can only make us stronger. May you be filled with God’s love forever more.

      Reply
    18. Ben

      Hello Neely,

      I am also against published children’s picture in public. To be honest I can not figure out the people who do it. Sometimes we are all anxious and loneliness is a disease of the 21st century .In spite of all technology we have, people are lonely.We are social beings,right.

      Reply
    19. Aria | Blogs by Aria

      Thank you for being brave and sharing these things with me. I have no idea why there are such nasty and downright mean people in this world…why would anyone get nasty with you about your choice not to show your child? I show my kids but not regularly and my husband hates to be shown or named on my blog. I don’t show him often but I refer to him as DH to appease him. My daughter is now 13 and I’m working on a style post and I asked her for her permission if she was ok being featured on my blog that way, she said yes which I’m glad for but had she said no I would have respected that. I feel the same as you just in a kinda opposite way I guess, since my kids are older and more aware now is when I ask.

      Reply
    20. Julie

      I respect your decisions. It’s your decision what you want to share and not other people. I sometimes have days where I’m really emotional about things in my life. It happens – sometimes life can get you down.

      Reply
    21. Candice

      Thanks for sharing those bits of yourself that you wouldn’t normally share. I feel like it is important for us bloggers to do it occasionally, otherwise our readers think we are perfect wives and moms with perfect lives.

      Reply
    22. Bridgid M.

      I had post-partum depression too. I don’t often share that I have really bad anxiety. Not just generalized stress, but actual anxiety that sometimes leads to depression. I wrote my very first blog post about it and omg it was so hard to write it, let alone publish it! So trust me when I say I know how hard it was to write this. Just know you arent along. ((hugs))

      Reply
    23. Breyona Sharpnack

      I hope you feel better. I have anxiety and depression but not on the postpartum level. It did seem as if having children did aggravate my condition but I have gotten better. I believe you will as well. Keep being great and share what you please when you please on your blog.

      Reply
    24. Victoria

      I share a lot of personal on my blog but there is a lot I don’t. I had terrible postpartum depression after my second child. I could barely care for myself much less my baby. I was so young I didn’t realize what was happening even though my doctor kept asking the right questions. I was blessed in having a sister who stepped in and took over.

      Reply
    25. Southern & Style

      I love that this is so raw, bare, and honest. There aren’t enough “real” blogs and bloggers out there. One thing that I don’t really tell anyone (minus my husband and sister, whom I tell everything to) is that I haven’t really loved being pregnant. In fact, there are days when I hate being pregnant. I already love our little boy so much & wouldn’t trade bringing him into this world for anything, but it’s been one of the most miserable experiences of my life, for so many different reasons.

      -Jordyn

      Southern and Style

      Reply
    26. ellen beck

      I totally get why you dont show Liam. I also totally get going through IVF and your pregnancy experiences. I respect your decision as it is your decision not mine nor anyone else’s.

      Let me tell you a story… back in 1998 when hubby and I got a computer (it was less powerful than most phones nowadays) we both decided NOT o show ourselves on any social media. I have went by an avatar for all this time as has he. This means facebook doesnt have my face, and many are confused . We are of course old enough to decide, but had made that decision we stick by it.

      I enjoy getting to know you, and even if someone disagrees, which they have a right to, they can be respectful or say nothing at all.

      Reply
    27. Joyce Brewer

      Let me tell you about children & privacy. If I had to do things all over again I’d probably show less of A.J. and not use his real name.
      He’s been recognized in public when he’s with my husband – which freaks my husband out. People feel like they know him because he has so much personality.
      So I have to be really guarded about saying where we are, what we’re doing and about his school. This world is made up of scary folks and I wouldn’t want anyone to talk to him w/o our permission.

      Reply
    28. Rachel Dellaposta

      You have every right to share as much or as little about yourself and your family as you choose. There will always be people with opinions different from your own, and there will always be those select few who feel entitled to things which are none of their concern. Brush off the haters and be free to be uniquely you!

      Reply

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